About : kmart furniture night stands
Title : kmart furniture night stands
kmart furniture night stands
[ok go's "father christmas"playing] [thud] ♪ when i was small i believed in santa claus ♪ ♪ though i knew it was my dad ♪ ♪ and i would hang up my stocking at christmas... ♪ boy:whoo! santa. man:the big man himself. now, charlie, you're gonna be okaythis year, right?
never been better,dad. ho-ho-ho!who do we have here? [inhales] dad:you're up. [chuckles nervously] whoo! santa. i can't believeit's really you. [groaning] [grunts]
dad:it's all right, everybody. happens every year. [groans and grunts] ♪ give all the toys to the little rich boys... ♪ okay, go.prove it. okay. ♪ don't give my sister a cuddly toy ♪ ♪ we don't want a jigsaw or monopoly money... ♪ santa,
my friends and i have a bet. about what? [all gasp] i was right! you're hot! you guys owe me a soy half-cafwith a mocha shot! can you get mea discount? ♪ don't mess around with those silly toys ♪ ♪ but give my daddy a job 'cause he needs one ♪ [satellite beeping]
♪ he's got a lot of mouths to feed... ♪ girl:mom, i'm 11! i'll looklike a loser getting my picturewith santa. okay, you'll look like someonewho's grounded if you don't. now go siton santa's lap. go. [groans] [bells jingle]
♪ father christmas give us some money... ♪ agh! hands off, fat boy! [grunting] ♪ we'll beat you up if you don't hand it over ♪ ♪ we want your bread so don't make us annoyed ♪ santa: ho-ho-ho! ♪ give all the toys ♪ ♪ to the little rich boys... ♪
girl:i don't wannasee santa! you know what,then let's just go. i don't wanna go! then get on santa's lap. i don't wanna! ho-ho-ho! somebody's not beinga very good girl. i might have to put coalin your stocking this year. [wailing]
nice work. did they send youto school for that? okay... look, katherine,nothing's gonna happen. see? everything's okay. girl 2:oh, my god! that dorky kidfrom the av squad is getting his picturetaken with santa. [girls laughing] ♪ give all the toys to the little rich boys ♪
♪ have yourself a merry merry christmas ♪ ♪ have yourself a good time ♪ ugh! why do we have to spendchristmas with dad, anyway? i mean, he's just gonna beworking the whole time. honey, i know thatthis is all hard on you, but you are the manof the family now, and your sisteris counting on you to make thisa good christmas for her. honey, please,just take care of her.
oh, excuse me. um, my children aretraveling without me, and they told methat i should-- i got two unaccompanied minors! welcome to the friendly skies,underage travelers. hey, look what we have here.the wings. and wings for you. all right, let's go experiencethe wonders of flight. mm, okay... while we're young.
yes. we have to walk. uh... there you go.it's happening. uh, oh...i love you, katie. i love you, mom. i love you, spencer. man:please focus. eh... um... uh...
[♪♪♪] man [over pa]: ladies and gentlemen, welcome to hoover international airport. how come we're notin pennsylvania? we haveto change planes. but i liked our plane. [sighs] hey, so, uh, you guysare the davenports, right? mm-hm.
all right, well,my name is zach, and i'll be taking care of youduring your layover. and give me five! ha! follow me this way. [softly]ow! man. katherine:where are allthe christmas decorations? zach:well, our boss doesn't reallylike christmas, so he locked all the decorationsaway somewhere.
but he did let usput up a few things. for example, um...do you see that over there? that green thingis a christmas tree, and those red thingiesare holly. it doesn't feellike christmas. yeah, i kind of agreewith you. but, uh, that's the waymr. porter wanted it. huh.who's mr. porter? he's the headof passenger relations.
and, uh,between you and me, i don't really thinkhe likes passengers, or holidays, really. he sounds mean. yeah. it really dependson what mood he's in. man:smell the air, hoffman.do you know what that is? cinnabons, mr. porter? [chuckles] freedom.
it's my first christmas offin 15 years. just me,a hawaiian resort, and no complainingpassengers to deal with. you know the onewho'll be complaining now? me, and i'll be complainingabout everything. and they'll just haveto stand there and listen to me because it's their job,not mine. sounds like fun, sir. oh,it's more than fun.
it's my vacation. [laughs] well,aloha, suckers. man [over pa]: aloha. all flights to hawaii have been canceled due to heavy snow. we apologize for any inconvenience. and merry christmas to me. [wind howling] man 1 [on tv]: twenty inches of snow have fallen--
man 2: this is easily the storm of the cent-- man 3: worst blizzard we've-- man 4: ten-foot drifts-- and then after christmas, head up to hoover international airport for the first-ever unclaimed baggage warehouse sale. you never know what you might find. clothes, toys, electronics. if someone's lost it, you can buy it.
oh, no, did you biteyour tongue again? when i wrote santa,i forgot to tell him that we were gonna beat dad's house, all the way in pennsylvania. how is he gonna find us now? oh, you mean that santa guythat you're scared of? him? i mean, he--he's not even gonna-- [gasps] he'll find you.
the tooth fairygave him directions. she works with norad. spencer, norad says that santa's gonna beat this airport at 4:29. so that meansif we lived here, santa would bring memy new doll at 4:30. zach:um, guys. we have a problem. man [over pa]: attention, passengers.
all flights out of hoover airport have been suspended until further notice, due to blizzard conditions. the weather service is forecasting heavy snow and high winds until tomorrow morning, with a chance of continued storm activity... you're killing me, man.i gotta get out of here! ...we apologize for any inconvenience. [crowd clamoring]
uh, where are we going? somewhere really fun. katherine:are we going to prison? zach:no, we're going to have funwith all the other kids who are flying by themselves. welcome tothe unaccompanied minors room. [all shouting indistinctly] cartoon santa: hello! [all belching]
[girls cheering] [girls shrieking] oh, man. it's like lord of the flies in here. help us! zach, we're flight attendants,not riot police. you've got to findsomeone else to take over. you guys, there is no one else.the storm is huge. just think of itlike being in the air. with the normal passenger loadand secure all the exits
and discourage anybodyfrom going to the restroom. oh, come on, you guys! have fun, zach! where's your christmas spirit? i mean, look at them,they're so cute. i don't think santa's gonnafind us in here. [kids shriek] ♪ he's a rootin' tootin' santa claus ♪ ♪ ridin' reindeer through the skies... ♪
woman:hm, i think i boughtdefective m&m's. you know,some of these are w's. oh, come on, val,lighten up, you know? it's christm-- i know thatyou're worried about the kids. they're gonna be fine. it's christmas eve,you know. we're gonna domore decorating-- no, no. judy, you don't haveany more decorating to do. yes, i have to finish.
i have six more boxesof lights in the garage. this is creepy. you're just poisonous,aren't you? thanks for beingsuch a great sister. the weather service is calling it the storm of the century. it's gotta be the biggest blizzard to hit the middle of the country in decades. i mean, we're talking nasty. it's already grounded all flights
in and out of the midwest-- oh, no! the kids! [kids screaming] can we change planes now? boy 1: come on, let's go! boy 2: let's go! okay, yeah, i can do this.all right. kids love me. i'm all right.i'm good, i'm good. excuse me, sir?
hey! didn't i tell youthis was gonna be fun? look at how many kidsare here, man. get us out of here. okay? eww! now, why would you wantto do that? it's great down here.look, watch this. hey, can i get-- can i getyour guys' attention please? okay-- ow!
all right, accidents happen. oh, all right...that one was full! ow! straw in the eye.straw in the eye. [zach yelling] santa's watching!he's not very happy about this! he's not going to cometo your house! amateurs. boy:i bet he's psycho. i heard he tore a kidin half once.
go poke him. no, you go poke him. [spluttering] we could call mom. yeah, well,she wouldn't drive 2000 milesto pick us up. then let's call dad. oh, yeah, he wouldn't drivefour feet to get us. pardon me, but do your parentshappen to be divorced?
what? i'm charlie goldfinch,and i'm conducting a poll about flying solothis time of year. being divorcedis number one so far. being jewish and visitingyour grandparents is second. and then there arethe rich kids. [all laughing] they're not statisticallysignificant. oh, burn!
good times, you guys.all right. girl:okay. her name's grace conrad. i admire your taste. she's way out of your league, but if you talk to her,i'll admire your pluck. so, what about you two? divorce or judaism? it's really noneof your business.
charlie:divorce? me too. polls are a great way to learnabout your fellow man. thank you for your time. this place is weird. it could be worse. boy:okay, simon says flush your cell phone. [flushing] is this bathroom out of order?
uh, no. must escape the soundof running water. read 'em and weep, boys. oh, man. i'm already out,like, 100 bucks. ah. texas hold 'em. excellent game. what, you play? only all the time.
no, you don't. yeah, i do. i mean, she doesn't knowwhat she's talking about. i play all the time,and i win. we think she's adopted. you're adopted, underpants! boy [laughing]:underpants. nice jacket. abercrombie?
please. it's dior.why? is yours from a & f? our mom bought itfor him at kmart. yeah, i-i got to take herto get some food, you know? her blood sugar is low,right? no, i wanna watch themplay cards, noodle-head! yeah. let her watch,noodle-head. boy: see ya, kmart. deal me in.
you want your dolly back,you big baby? you're gonna cry, huh? wah, wah. hey, guys, check this out. come on, let's go. it's borderline urgent now,sir. i cannot let you leavewithout an attendant. why don't you waitfor maintenance to fix it? oh, no, no, no.no, no, no.
[all yelling] ay, caramba! juice box in my back. i am layingon a juice box. ow! katherine:sometimes i see my brotherkissing his hand in his bedroom like this. [smooching] [all laugh] grace:awkward.
zach:did the door just open? i know the door just opened.i can feel fresh air. boy:come on, let's get him! zach: someone's walking out. morons. you can't leave the roomwithout an attendant. where are you going? out. but... ugh!
this goes againsteverything i believe in, but i gotta pee! zach:wait, who's going to pee? ow! hey, keep the door closed!who's walking out? ow! you better get up, man. oh! ♪ bells on something or other ♪ uh...♪ ho-ho-ho-ho-ho ♪ oh, no.
[mumbling] oh, you worry me, honey.you worry me. i gotta call sam. val, please.why don't you relax? i know exactly what you need. a nice, steaming cupof my wonderful hot chocolate. oh, god,i've had three already. and it's 80 degreesoutside! are you tryingto kill me?
well... judy, my children are trappedin an airport on christmas eve. do you have any ideahow miserable they must be? ♪ joy to the world ♪ woo! woo! woo! woo! finally! yeow! donna:where's that kidwho had to pee? [urinating] [charlie moaning]
[phone ringing] sam davenport,clean earth society. hi, sam, it's val. oh, hey, val. yeah, i'm heading to the airportright now to pick up the kids. you're not gonna be able to. they're not gonna be able to fly in! val, val, calm down. there's a blizzard--
it's not snowing out. yes, it is. oh. well, are you suretheir flight's canceled? would al roker make that up? no, no. i guess al rokerwouldn't lie. val, i'm gonna drive all night to get them. and don't make that face. i would like a table for one
in the no-little-sisterssection, please. aren't you a little youngto be flying by yourself? not at all. no. no kids' menu. no, no, no, no. no crayons either. computer: welcome to the high flyer's club, miss conrad. thank you. charlie:ooh, gadgets.
hm... donna:bingo. yes. cheese. condiments. caviar. nachos. oh, my momnever lets me eat those. so an order of those. she's banned all sodasfrom the house, so extra-, extra-,extra-large root beer.
my mom never let meeat mozzarella sticks. mine either. two orders.on to dessert, huh? you don't have a tapeworm,do you? [whirring] [gasps, grunts] [rattling] oh! oh! oh, yeah. [laughing]
aah! [air hissing] [gasping] travel is so exhausting,don't you think, girls? left, left. yes. ♪ jingle bellsjingle all the way ♪ how are you? ♪ oh, what fun it is to ride ♪ ♪ in a one-horse open sleighhey! ♪
take it, backup singers! [timothy humming] [door opens] sweet jehoshaphat. he did it. freeze! freeze! hey! man:excuse me, are you unaccompanied?
i'm single. who's asking? they are. are you gonna let meget dressed, or should i justwalk out of here naked? [spencer groaning] whew! okay, airport food'sthat much, huh? i am so gonna kill you. it was good service.
yep. it seemed like he would-- oh, you have gotto be kidding me. [sighs]he didn't even eatthe mozzarella sticks. eat my dust! man: stop it, kid. man 2:look out! man 3:get her! donna:coming through!
man [over radio]: security 5, i have an unattended vehicle outside here. hi. um, officer... i-i think you're doinga great job. both of you. donna: hey, kid, hop in! i don't normally do this,officers. sorry! grace:uh-oh.
hey, bro. hi, mom, dad. you guys,this vacation was awesome. i just wanna thank you. [both speaking in german] grace? man: there they are! you. wait for me! man 2: stop! oh, man, harvard's never gonnaaccept me with a police record.
and i'm not goingto community college. charlie? what are you guys doing?that's an official-- man: get 'em! man 2: let's get 'em! i've always wanted to do this.go! ow, ow, ow, ow! [screaming] grace:uh, charlie, you mightwanna get on the cart.
men:hup, hup, hup, hup. charlie:oh, this is a bad idea! ah. ooh. nicely done. when did you get here?! mm-mm. [guards shouting] grace:i get the feeling we are goingto be in huge trouble.
not with mebehind the wheel. hang on! donna: right turn! well, that was fun. porter:welcome home. grace:where are my friends? [door closes] spencer: where's my sister? porter:they went whereall the good little boys and girls go for christmas.
they went somewhere nice. where, you ask? why, the comfortableand festive hoover international lodge. which is justa few thousand yards down from thisdelightful little room, which now smells likea horse died in it. oh, so we're goingto the lodge? i think i have an answerto your question.
are you out of yourjuice-drinking little minds?! have you looked outsidelately? the roads are blockedbecause there is a little thing called a blizzardgoing on. that's when the sky opens upand lots of snow falls and makes it hard for peopleto do things. like fly to hawaii,for instance. who's going to hawaii? not me.
not anymore. spencer:uh, sir, i gottaget down to my sister. she's gonna be freakedwithout me. will she be freaked? you know, i'm bettingshe's gonna be stoked that peopleare taking care of her, and she doesn't have to waitaround for her brother, who abandoned her. so where are we staying?
what's wrongwith right here? it smells like a horsedied in it. well, that's exactlythe kind of place i thought a bunch of juveniledelinquents would love to stay. hey.watch it, dr. evil. oh, no, did i offend you? well, i don't know what elseto call someone who commits grand theft auto,reckless driving, and destruction of propertyall in the course of 10 minutes.
someone coolerthan you'll ever be. oh! ho-ho-ho-ho! whoo, that's fantastic. i didn't know we hadellen degeneres in the house. and what about a young man who orders the heart-attackspecial and can't pay for it? or a girl who exfoliates herselfall over the airport lounge? then,the abominable snowman who transformsthe emergency equipment center
into his ownprivate amusement park and then blames iton aquaman? aren't you a little too oldto be playing with dolls? i mean,what are you, like 40? zach:uh, actually, beef's 12, sir. good lord. and charlie goldfinch, my most frequentunderage flyer. and formerlymodel passenger.
karaoke, son? was it worth it? i had a song in my heart. oh, my gosh, i'm a juvie. uh-huh.i think you can all see that i havea very compelling case to keep you here in the u.m.on christmas eve. zach:but, um... who's gonnatake care of them?
you are, van bourke. and unless you enjoyunemployment, you'll make sure they don'tget out of this room again. [door opens, closes] [man whistling"deck the halls"] aaah! ho-ho-ho! the phone lines at the airportare still down. just call spencer's cell phone.huh? why don't you do that?
sam talked me outof getting him one. he said millions of them werepolluting landfills already. he's never gonna make itfrom pennsylvania to get them. there's just no way.he doesn't even have a real car! you married a guywith a vegetable car. sam:this is good. this is good! me and you on the roads.two guys. i don't imaginethere are gonna be many biodiesel depotsopen on christmas eve,
so i've packed youa little holiday meal. i hope you like vegetarian. katherine can't have christmasmorning without santa claus. let's go. [engine sputtering] road trip! ♪ silver bells ♪ ♪ it's christmastime in the city... ♪ i got the last rooms.
we'll have to packthe sky brats in like sardines. i wanna go home. i don't wannaget packed in like a sardine. santa's never gonnafind me here. i didn't understanda word of that. so, little girl, how would you like to staywith mary lynn and me? who's mary lynn? only the world's sweetestsweetie pie, that's who. hi. i'm mary lynn.
we're gonna haveloads of fun together. [snorting laugh] okay. you listen,and you listen good. i've never had a little sister,so you're gonna be my test run. i am going to braid your hair,little girl. and even if you try to say no,you'll face the consequences. get it? got it? good! so there is some good news. your cots are ready.
yeah, i'll be right back. [door closes, lock clicks] this is so not the christmasi had in mind. oh, poor baby. i bet you have nice christmases,don't you, rich kid? where does your family go? paris? london? fiji? please. fiji's a zoothis time of year. we go skiing in utah.
are your folksstill together? then i hate you. i'm not wildabout you either. well, i love christmas. and i'm jewish. my mom's boyfriend saysthat christmas is when frosty the snowmanfights with the devil. it talks. i'm getting out of here.
what are you talking about? i need to get to my sisterdown at the hotel. she's expecting santa's sleighto get there at 4:30 a.m. and if i don't get down there, she's gonna thinksanta forgot her. and i can't let that happen.so who's with me? how would youget us out of here? i got an idea. this is not gonna work.
this is so junior high. i know.it's cool, isn't it? woman [on pa]: attention, zach van bourke. please report to the information desk. you're wanted at the information desk. all right, guys.well, i'll be right back. you guys stay. please. [whistling] [humming]
[all grunt] great plan, kmart.really thought that one out. that was only partof the plan. hey. i'm here. you know what? it's beenreally cool hanging out. but i'm gonna go backto the book. i'm zach van bourke.you paged me? oh. yeah.
you got a phone messagefrom some kids. i do? yeah. they said: "goodbye." oh, no. oh, no. oh, no! [speaking in spanish] you're right.that was so junior high. operation save christmasis a go. looking good, baby,looking good!
who needs four-wheel drive when you've gotthe power of clean? [horn honking] hey! get out of the way,grandma! fossil-fuel junkie. gasoholic. enjoy the hangover! [scooter motor whirring] i wonder where the fire is.
oh, doesn't she lookjust darling? katherine:excuse me, lady. uh, i need to be at-- i need to get it-- i need to be at a chimneyat 4:30 because i need to meet santa. girls? the pilots are downin the restaurant, and they wanna buy us dinner. captain cohen's down there?
never too latefor a fifth husband. let's go, girls! [gasps]the kids. [all sigh] don't worry, ma'am,i'm a certified babysitter. i get paid 50 cents an hour. mary lynn, there's a 20in this for you. cindi:captain cohen, here i come. oh, no, you don't.
you are not going anywhere because i am goingto give you a makeover. an extreme makeover. [knuckles crack] [snorts] porter:they're children! don't tell meyou can't find them. they're little tiny people. [quietly]get back.
do you know what the word"security" means? huh? from the latin, securitas? as in "secure the buildingfrom children running amuck." zach:mr. porter, as long as they're inthe airport they're safe. if you chase them, it's-- it's just-- it's justgonna make things worse. oh, yeah. that's right,van bourke. that would be much more tragicthan me getting fired.
now, you help me findthose kids, or i'm gonna lock youin the u.m. room all night. how do you like them apples? oh, my gosh, we're fugitives. grace:shut up. [muffled scream] what'd they do,call out the national guard? if you get me sent backto that room, you're dead. what are you gonna do,rich girl?
have your daddy hire a hit man? maybe i'll just have himbreak your dad out of jail. [sighs]mm. [giggles] charlie:girl fight. girl fight.oh, my gosh, it's a girl fight. spencer:no, no, no. don't, don't, don't.please, no, no, no. ow! ow! ow! [wall thumping] i saw this on cable once,
but then my dad blockedthe channel. [all grunting] oh, 'tis the season to be j-- that's gonna hurt when i pee. oh, my gosh. kid, are you okay? [high-pitched voice]i'm fine. look, i-i'm really sorry. i just-- i just don't likebeing touched, okay? [normal voice]got it. won't happen again.
spencer:you know what, guys? if we are ever gonna get downto that hotel, we have to be a team. you know, we have to--we have to think like a team. we have to act like a team,we have to talk like a team. we have to walk like a team, fight like a teamand be like a team because we are the u.m. team. yeah. what do we do first?
i'll get your sistera christmas tree. we're never gonna see him again,are we? probably not. okay, if i may interject. if we wanna get outof this airport, our best bet would bethe lower level, northeast corner,behind the baggage claim. security's thinat this time of night. and how do you know that?
i fly out of hooverinternational every week. [pencil squeaking] there. now it's timeto brush your teeth. i'm not a doll, mary lynn. no. you're way better.you can talk. and i don't evenhave to pull a stupid string. now open up.
but, mary lynn,i already brushed my teeth. [splat] did you tell the kidsi was coming to get them? valerie: no. why not? because spencer doesn'thave a cell phone, remember? besides, i didn't want the kidsgetting their hopes up in case your cardoesn't make it there. hey, the biomobile rocks,okay?
and besides, i have enough fuelin the back seat to get me to florida and backif i wanted to. well, i hope you're not talking on one of those roadside pay phones. i read that all kindsof freak accidents happen thereby the shoulder. wait, wait. oh. honey. you have to stop readingthose dumb tabloids, okay? you knowthey make those stories up.
aagh! oh, boy. ernie: tell you what, zooey, you gotta toughen this kid up. zooey: oh, ernie. beef's only 12. ernie:twelve. exactly.he still plays with a doll. you seen the kidsthat pick on him? he should be eating themfor breakfast. ah, it's yourex-husband's fault. ninny.
tell you what,if it was up to me, i'd drop this kidin the middle of the woods, give him a knifeand a book of matches. let him find his way home. that's the way my old mandid it to me. men are made, not born. merry christmas. take me with you, santa. aquaman...
men are made, not born. [dog growls] man:my deal. mr. yakamora. man 2:hey, big dog.are you hungry? yeah. okay. so the exit we're lookingfor is right behind that door. grace:we need a distraction. something to get themaway from there.
no christmas dinnerfor you, cujo. [barking] man 3:keep barking. think we justfound it. okay, kids. let's followyour crumbs. man 2: it's almost gone. man: forget the dog. come on, keep dealing.
man:we only got abouta half-hour for lunch. [dog growling, barking] man 2:so this guy gives me his bag.it was so heavy... [whimpers] hey, man. why don't you shareyour lunch with him? okay, doggie.you can have the last piece. not. not gonna get it. ho! aaagh!
[man 2 screaming] [crunch] [squeals] [machinery whirring] porter:van bourke, get after that dog. what? okay. the dog! [whispers]that's him, guys. hide. porter:what's going on here?
[squeaking]the dog got out of the cage. how? we don't know. trapped like rats. [mouths] no. zip. porter:hello? anybody in here? ooh, candy. anybody under 6 feet tall?
anybody who isn't travelingwith an adult? olly olly oxen free? [exhales sharply] come out, come out,wherever you are. hello? um, sir? huh? yeah, that dog just tooka dump in the promenade, and its owner wantsto talk to you.
the nightmare has begun. search this roomfrom top to bottom, and let me know the minuteyou find anybody. van bourke, come with me. ah! mr. porter. what is this doing here? unclaimed. get it back to the warehouse.
uh-oh. do i have to do everythingaround here? [shrieks] ah! my candy. ah! oh-ho, gosh! let's go get some coffee. what's the matter? charlie is in there. spencer:what? turn it off.
there's no key. charlie! why, hello. grace:donna, what are you doing? come back! i gotta save him! it's not so bad in here. oh, no! charli-- oh!
whoa. whoa! help! donna! i hope this isgoing someplace nice. ow! oh. you follow her, okay?i'll take him. got it. good.
aaaagh! i should've goneto the bathroom. help me! [screams] donna:you've gotta be kidding me! ♪ there was a farmer had a dogand bingo was his name-o ♪ ♪ b-i-n-g-ob-i-n-g-- ♪ well, that doesn't sound good. whoa! whoa! whoa! whoa!
[grunting, screaming] oh, that's gotta hurt. that hurt. charlie. donna, is that you? charlie, are you--? y-- t-- um-- [both screaming]
n-- ow! agh! ugh! [sobbing] i got you, charlie. charlie, are you okay? i'd be better if you'd getyour knee off my spleen. hang on, charlie! [both yelp] donna, charlie.
are you guys okay?please tell me you're okay. donna? your knee's inan even worse place this time. oh, thanks. you guys, look. where are we? spencer:well, this would bethe unclaimed-baggage warehouse. i saw this place on tv. oh, my gosh.
there's at least50 years' worth of unclaimed luggagein this place. please, someone,tell me it's beautiful. hey, spencer.looks like your sister's not the only one who's gonnaget a good christmas this year. charlie:um... somebody wanna unzip me? spencer: oh. sure. sure.
sorry. [all whooping] [groovie ghoulies' "all aboard"playing] ♪ newlonsburg, kingston all clear, are we goin' ♪ ♪ to utica or syracuse rochester or buffalo? ♪ ♪ eerie, pennsylvania ♪ ♪ cleveland on the lakeshore ♪ cool. sweet.
♪ ahhh ♪ ♪ straight into chicago ♪ [imitating guitar playing] ♪ ow! ♪ hyah! ew! [imitating sword slashing] ow! [snoring]
[the chipmunks "the chipmunkssong" playing on radio] [car sputters] ♪ we've been good but we can't last ♪ ♪ hurry, christmas hurry fast ♪ [horn honks] [engine hissing] [honks horn] [clattering] [buzzing]
no! please don't kill me. that was a friendly honk, uh, meant only to respectfullyattract attention. oh, hey. sorry to scare you. i was just aboutto carve a beaver. carve a beaver. got it. got it. hey, uh, do you guyssell biodiesel here? we got regular diesel andunleaded gas. that's about it.
unless you wanta statue of lincoln carved outof a telephone pole. what harm could one tankof diesel do? [sputtering, clanking] what have i done? [engine humming] [humming silences] oh, thank god. that doesn't look good.
[beef panting] [spits] [thump] ow. so, what's the cool thingsyou found? oh. say hello to my surfboard. i found a walkie-talkiefamily pack. it has cameras and video screensinside of them. oh, i just took a videoof the inside of my ear
using a penlightand a macro lens. now, who wants to seemy ear canal? come on. ew. no, thank you. i'll watch it, then. spencer?anything you wanna tell us? oh, this. it's for my sister.she loves princesses. then why don't you give herthe rich girl over there? [taps drums]
kidding. mmm! what'd you find? you know, i have no idea,but how cool does it look? hey, that'san 8-track tape player. according to the massachusetts 8-track collector magazine, i have the largest collectionof cassettes in the state. but i don't mean to brag. this is one of my favorites.
could this night get any better? [lee morgan's "the sidewinder"playing on tape player] what is he doing? [giggles]what are you doing? [both laughing] ♪ slinky, it's slinkywhat a wonderful toy ♪ ♪ it's slinky, it's slinkyfun for a girl and a boy ♪ hoffman. shut up.
not now. hoffman, i think you shouldtake a look at this. this better be goo-od. ho, whoa.what in the sam hill? [music continues playing] mm. [giggling]whoo. ooh, charles. hey. ha-ha-ha.
yeah, charles. hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. look, i saved him,i'll dance with him. hey, you let me touch you. i'm touching you, kid.don't get any ideas. i can still take you down. all right, kmart,let's see what you got. [gulps] you do realizeif you tell anyone
about that photoyou saw in my wallet, i'll have to kill you. right. lips sealed. not-- not tellinganyone, i swear. hm. good. um, it was a nice picture,though. i liked it. ew. nice try. no, i mean, i think girlslook really good in glasses. not that you don't look goodwithout them, of course.
i mean, that's not what i meantat all, you know? i was a dork. hey, join the club. you're not a dork. you just--you just need someone doing better pr for youthan your sister. are you gonna pass outor something? [watch beeps] oh, man. i mean, we gotta go. you know what, guys?i mean, we gotta go.
my sister's expectingsanta's sleigh to arrive soon, and we don't knowhow we're getting to the hotel. porter:why do you need a hotel when you've got a nice concreteroom to go back to? run! porter: they're on the move. don't lose them in here.van bourke, guard the door. it's christmas eve, sir. can you just...
leave them alone? split up, split up! we might wanna get offthe main road here. grace, come on. oh. dirty. okay, nobody panic.nobody panic. nobody panic! donna, i have a confession. i was never a good runner.i can't even do the running man.
you smart guysare all the same: good on test day,bad on fight day. follow me, men.ho-ho. watch out for your footing,guys. i don't want anyonefalling behind. spencer:there's the door. you guys, look,it's the hotel. [alarm ringing] move it, moron.they're escaping out the back.
charlie:it's the hooverinternational lodge. spencer:we need to get down there. how? you got four snowmobiles? watch the winter olympics? wait, wait, wait. wait. what are you doing? we're going to the hotelto find spencer's sister. way to go. anything elseyou wanna tell him?
van dork, i'm afraidyou know too much now. ow. wait. okay, now go! wait, i promise i won't talk.please let me out! hey! hey! van bourke:help! last one down the hillis a fired apple. ah. ha-ha! ♪ s-a-n-t-a, s-a-n-t-a s-a-n-t-a, s-a-n-t-a ♪
♪ s-a-n-t-a, s-a-n-t-a s-a-n-t-a ♪ ♪ santa ♪ van bourke:whoa! [van bourke whimpering] uh, we seem to be movinga tad rapidly. [both yelling] ah-ow! tree! watch out! aaagh!
[all screaming] van bourke:ow! pine needles! nice steering, tex. uh, i usually liketo try to avoid clichã©s, but we've got some company. [all shouting] more trees! take evasive action, boys!steer around the trees. how do we steer?
[grumbles] you know, if i wasn'tso utterly terrified, i might be having fun. drift! doll: mama. van bourke:my butt! cowabunga! ha-ha! sweet jehoshaphat! [babbling]
grace:look out, he's gonna hit us! lean left! i'm coming, mr. porter! this is all wonderful fun, but you do realizethe enormous amount of trouble you're gonna be inwhen i catch you, right? not if i can help it. paddle! porter:oh, you wanna speed up, huh? okay!
whoa! wait for me! charlie:okay, not to be a stick inthe mud, but i have to interject that we're moving ata very dangerous rate of speed. i'd like to secondthat interjection! just keep paddlinguntil i say when! please tell me you're gonna stopat the hotel! yeah, we are, but you're not!hit the brakes! hit the brakes! unbelievable.
[porter & hoffman screaming] hoffman:i don't get paid enoughfor this! holy cow! well, this should beinteresting. [crash] darn. [car alarm beeping] van dork, aren'tyou coming with us? no, you guys dowhat you gotta do.
i'm just gonna sit here,and you know... throw up for a little bit. spencer. yeah? be careful, okay? you guys are acting likeyou had a little too much sugar. don't worry, van bourke.we're okay. wait up, you guys. guard cat.
[bells jingling] you were a worthy opponent. ain't it a little pastyour bedtime, there, sonny? i want a christmas tree. what about that little one? what do i look like,freakin' charlie brown? this big one's expensive.you got any money? man:sunday potluck,don't forget! man 2:all right, partner,see you there!
you wanna come infor some eggnog? how am i gonnaget to my kids now? your kids? no, sir. no kid should bealone on christmas eve. not in an airport. i really appreciate it. however i can repay you,just name it. ta-da! the mayor dropped it off
for an oil change,but he's out of town. you use it to pick up your kidsand head back here. i'll get you a rental carin the morning. i can't drive that thing.it gets terrible mileage. i'd loan you my caddy, but squirrels atethrough the brake lines. i'm afraid thisis your only choice. depends how much you wannasee your kids. sam:forgive me, brother squirrel.
i hope the boys in the sierraclub don't see me in this. thanks. okay, so my sisteris in room 424. we've got like 14 minutes and-- thirteen. [doors open] now i'm mad. [elevator dings] elevator.
what are you doing, you guys?get in. we'll take care of him.you go get your sister. here, take these walkies.you'll need them. don't you kids know that you're supposed to begood on christmas eve? physician, heal thyself! it's shakespeare. man, you're no end of helpin a fight, are you? oh, well.
maybe next christmaswill be better than this one. sir, i advise you not to do that. [scoffs]punk, watch this. thanks for the tip. oh, perfect. now everything hurts. [groans]my contacts are going crazy. once a dork...
always a dork. you are so not a dork. [scoffs] kid! hey, kid! santa's sleigh arrivesin nine minutes. we gotta find her. it's time to pluckyour eyebrows. is my sister katherine in there?
who wants to know? her brother wants to know. well, i'm not allowedto talk to strangers. let me handle this. move! aaagh! aaagh! spencer:oh, no. [low voice]room service! room service! [squeaking]hey! no! stop that!
stop. stop that. everybody open up! you're gonna get me in trouble! there were some kidsrunning wild in the hall, and i was just, uh,trying to stop them. it w-wasn't me. sounded like you. they're, heh... very talented children.
i-i'm just, uh... gonna go, uh... f-find the children. right now! charlie, where are you guys? engaged with the enemy.taking evasive action. grace: we think spencer's sister is downstairs. we need you to keep the coast clear for us. roger that.
[porter grunts] donna, time for han soloand the death star. trust me.it's a nerd thing. [roars] donna:aaagh! you've gotta be kidding me. not a star wars move. oh, no, no, no, no. both:mm-hm.
no! room service. room service. room service.get your free food here. now, i-- i knowthis looks bad, but... and now so do you. [thud, porter shouts] [softly]merry christmas,katherine. porter:don't you justwanna take a picture? oh, you're allin so much trouble.
just don't wake up my sister,okay? any more requests? milk and cookies? a jail cell with a view? van bourke:uh, mr. porter, now, i know you probablydon't wanna hear this, but i thinkthat maybe you should just let these kidsstay at the hotel. it's christmas.
is that your sage advice,van bourke? i will take your opinioninto consideration one day when i actually carewhat you think. oliver... as soon as i get these kidsback on their planes, i quit. march. uh, sir, are you taking usto the u.m. room? i would never do that to youon christmas morning.
really? you'll all bemuch happier here in your ownprivate rooms. private rooms? uh, you don't expect meto let you stay together and plan your nextassault on me and my airport? um, it's "my airport and i." hey, get this, strunk and white, "me and my airport" is correct.
dang. oh, and by the way, all those stranded passengers you saw sleepingin the gate area? there are too many of them and not enough planes leaving. so i thought since theyfollowed all the rules, and since you have such nice,comfortable rooms to stay in, that you wouldn't mind ifi bumped you from your flights,
and let them go instead. sir. don't worry. you'll be able to leave thisafternoon or by this evening. tomorrow for sure. you can't do that. as a matter of fact, it's one of the few thingsi can do. lock them up.
i'll be in my office watchingyour every move on camera. there'll be guards postedoutside your doors. if you find your wayout of here, i'll be the firstto congratulate you and admit defeat because you will haveaccomplished the impossible. porter:good luck. [b.b. king's "please come homefor christmas" playing] ♪ bells will be ringing ♪
porter:ouch. oh. ♪ the glad, glad news ♪ ♪ oh, what a christmas ♪ ♪ to have the blues ♪ ♪ my baby's gone ♪ ♪ i have no friends ♪ ♪ to wish me greetings ♪ ♪ once again ♪ hey, guys.
thanks for all the help with my sister. you know, i'm sorry that... all your christmases have to be ruined because of me. we probably won't see each other again after our flights leave, so i just wanted to say that,uh, i had a really good time, and that i think we make a pretty awesome family. maybe the thing is it's just none of our families
are meant to stay together, you know? maybe that's it. except for you, grace. actually,that's not totally true. i thought your parentsweren't divorced. well, not from each other, but they sort of divorced me. what do you mean? they just don't seemto like it when i'm around. that's why they travelall the time.
they're in paris right now. so is that where you're going? no. i'm already home. i live 20 minutes from here. i flew in todayfrom boarding school. i figured it'd be more funhanging out at the airport than sitting at homewith my nanny. she wanted christmas off anyway. now i'm really depressed.
you guys have ventsin your ceiling? grace: yeah. then i'm getting us out of here. uh, spencer... that guy's watching uson the cameras. charlie: he'll see everything we do. not if he doesn't seewhat we're doing. just go to sleep,you little monsters. okay, phase one finished?
check. okay. on to phase two. what was the worst christmasgift you ever got? that's easy.my brother frank gave me the same christmas presentfor 14 years. hated it. wh-what was it? punch in the head. ready? go.
what the...? stupid cheap cameras. doesn't get any betterthan this. [chanting] [chanting stops] oh, we're supposedto take away chairs. [guard chanting] okay? i win!
can i say something to you? who needs hawaii? [beeping] what?! donna? are you okay? it's really small in here. i know. it's great, isn't it? charlie,just because you compensate for your abandonment issuesby squeezing into small,
womb-like spaces, doesn'tmean everybody else does. what?my mom's a psychologist. donna, i won't let anythinghappen to you. i promise. [farts] oh, charlie,you didn't. sorry, i get nervous. i had a hot dogwhen i got off the plane. grace:oh, charlie.
yeah,can we hold all of those until we're outof the confined space, please? will do. the food court's this way. trust me. a few hundred yards,and i'll be-- all:charlie! donna:charlie, pleasetell me you're okay. hey, donna. i told youi'd get you out of there. this is where mr. porter
put all the christmasdecorations. [honks] [yells] [all snoring] hey, hey! wake up! check the rooms,you idiots. does this mean we can,uh, go on break? all clear.
i don't think any planesare gonna be flying today. nope. looks like we'll be spendinganother day together. sounds good to me. is that? man. wasn't easy gettingthis through security. spencer:huh. you know what, guys?
i've got an idea. [simple plan's"my christmas list" playing] let's do this. ♪ santa is coming tonight ♪ ♪ and i wanna car and i wanna life ♪ ♪ and i wanna first-class trip to hawaii ♪ [dings] and then i said,"that is my food." donna,how did you get here?
van bourke... we need your help. ♪ it's christmas ♪ ♪ and i want everything ♪ i need a list of all the kidstraveling with families, and all the passengerstraveling by themselves. okay, this one's mineand that one's yours. okay? can you also pleaseget the unaccompanied minors back here at 7 a.m.?
♪ and i can't wait ♪ oh, one more thing. feliz navidad. ♪ can't wait for christmas ♪ ♪ 'cause now it's christmas ♪ i guess i owe youa congratulations. as promised. who trained you kids,the navy seals? look, sir, just...divorce kids
are more resourcefulthan others. that's all. any chance you can tell mewhat you're up to now? something nice. you know,nothing bad. i promise. any chance of you trusting meand not locking us up again? i was just doing my job.you do know that, right? just like i've justbeen doing my job every christmasfor the past 15 years. bet your family hates itthat you work on christmas. not much of a problem....
since my wife leftfive christmases ago. that why you don't put upthe decorations? well, let's just say they don'tremind me of happy times. we were just, you know,trying to have a christmas. we thought you'd care. why would i care? this is an airport. you're passengers. so?
so... passengers leave. there's one thingi don't get. i bump you off your planes, and i keep youfrom your families at christmas. why do you guys seem almost... happy? because you didn't keep usfrom our family. at least, not our new family.
right. we got you something. sorry we wreckedyour vacation. almost there. highway mileage,not city mileage. highway mileage, not city-- oh, come on! why?! i've already filled you upfive times!
how can you drink so much?! you yellow monster. [moans] [bell ringing in distance] [ringing] [people murmuring] good morning. merry christmas!everybody up. happy holidays, everyone!
merry christmas, katherine. spencer! spencer, spencer. oh, whoa, hi. spencer,look what santa brought me. and he even brought backsir poops-a-lot. santa's a nice guy, huh? uh-huh. [crowd chattering]
santa came back. it's...santa. who is that? i thought you knew. santa:ho, ho, ho! i hope you've all beengood little boys and girls. ho, ho, ho. okay. okay. stay with me. santa.
porter:get me a chair, you idiot. ho, ho, ho! here you go,santa, sir. yes. ho, ho. thank you. i'm looking for owen marks. i'm owen marks. merry christmas, owen marks! thanks, santa.
oh, you're welcome, owen.merry christmas. you're not, like, gonna bescared of him now, are you? not after the nighti just had. wait. wait, wait, wait for me.wait for me. i wanna help.i wanna help. all right, merry christmas. [santa shouts indistinctly] man, i'm glad you guysalready have a santa claus. there was a dead mousein my costume.
dad? daddy! merry christmas, pumpkin! y-you drove from pennsylvaniafor us? of course i did, spence.i'm your dad. th-through a blizzard?in-- in your car? yeah, actually, i, um... [whispers]i drove a humvee. a hummer.
shh-shh-shh. you drove a hummerfrom pennsylvania in a blizzard just to see us. yeah. but, hey, let's just talkabout happy things, shall we? i take back everythingi ever said about you. wait, what--? what kindof things did you say about me? alan davies. um... i'm...
actually, it's-- sorry, i'm 36. you're at an airport alone on christmas morning,aren't you? yeah, santa, i am. well, alan, come on over and get your presentfrom santa! [laughing]wow. awesome. i'd love a present.
[crowd laughs] ooh,a basketball. oh, i lovebasketball! alan:check this out.i used to be an all-star. [ball thumps] alan:hey, can you throw that back? i have a lot of presentsto give away, but before i do, i just wanna thankmy friends over there
for setting all this up. if they actually workedfor santa, they'd be fired so fasttheir heads would spin. but they did a wonderful jobhere this morning. and since they did,i want them to know that they'll be flying out ofhere first thing this morning. merry christmas! [crowd cheering] you're friends with santa?
i guess i am. do you like dolls? i don't know. not as muchas i used to, i guess. i am 12, you know. did you know that i foundthat christmas tree? you did? how? lemme tell you a little storyabout a man called beef. it all startedon a cold, stormy night.
me and aquaman startedtrudging through the snow. yeah. yeah, mom.we're fine. it turned outthat it wasn't such a bad nightafter all, you know? in fact it was, uh... it was actually pretty great. so, uh... yeah, i'll--i'll call againwhen i get to dad's house. mom?
uh, i, uh... i love you. her nameis lady sleeps-a-lot. [sniffles] oh, val,what's wrong? are the kids okay? honey? it's spencer. well, is he all right?
he said... that he loved me. oh, criminy, val. you need to start dating more. do you knowhow ridiculous you look? really. it's all rightif i call you sometime? why do you think i gave youmy phone number, goofball? it was nicemeeting you, donna.
you're a veryspecial young lady. wow! man, you're so hot! yeah, i know. other side. the middle. down low. too slow. i should've noticed
'cause "too slow"rhymes with "down low." sam:why didn't i see that coming? well, hope you havea nice christmas. how could i not? got the whole placeto myself. more...fruitcakeand eggnog for me. yeah, y-you know... i was sort of thinking. maybe if-- if you don'twanna go home quite yet,
you know,maybe you could, uh, i don't know, spend--spend christmas with, uh, my dad and my sister and... me. took you long enough,noodle-head. come on. oh, hey. you guys haveany money for gas? i, uh... kind of maxed out my cardson the way here. [the eels' "everything is gonnabe cool this christmas" playing]
♪ remember last year when you were on your own ♪ ♪ you swore the spirit couldn't be found ♪ ♪ december rolled around ♪ ♪ and you were countin' on it to roll out ♪ ♪ but everything's gonna be cool this christmas ♪ ♪ everything's gonna be cool this christmas ♪ ♪ well, everybody's waitin' for you down at the house ♪ ♪ the tree is lookin' so inspired ♪ ♪ there's a yuletide groove waitin' for you to move ♪
♪ i'll go and throw another log on the fire ♪ ♪ as days go by the more we need friends ♪ ♪ and the harder they are to find ♪ ♪ if i could have a friend like you in my life ♪ ♪ then i guess i'd be doing just fine ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪ santa: ho, ho, ho!