About : target furniture night stands
Title : target furniture night stands
target furniture night stands
[ indistinct conversations ] [ cheers and applause ] dallas: let's fucking get it onright now. let's go! come on!come on! come on!come on!! here! here! now, i wanna go overa few rules with y'all tonight. it ain't that hard.don't worry about it. all right, rule number one.
this is the what-you-can-touch-and-not-touch rules. can you touch this? no, no, no, no, no, no. second touch. no, no, no, no, no, no, no. and finally.... last one, ladies.can you touch this? can you ever touch this? well, that's who the law saysthat you cannot touch!
but i think i seea lotta lawbreakers up in this house tonight. and i don't see a cop in sight. all right? [ groans ] [ sniffs ] [ electric razor buzzing ] you know,i gotta go commando today because someone ripped off
my favorite pair of pantieslast night. [ laughs ] hey, it's not funny! oh, sorry. they were my grandma's. they were notyour grandma's. they could have been. can you throw, uh -- throw me that...shirtright there?
hey. what are we gonna doabout her? i don't --what was her name again? what?! i don't -- what's -- i'm sorry.what's her name? uhh... you don't even know! i do! you're the one that found her.you have to remember her name. i know her name.
what's her name, then? it's, um... penelope! well, whatever her name was,she was fun. hey, that's a cool table.where'd you get it? that's just some old shitthat blew up on a beach after the last hurricane. oh, you made that? mm-hmm.
you should sellthese things. thank you.that's actually the idea. mike's custom furnitureconcepts. but the market hasn't really hitthe sweet spot yet and... i don't know.i'm waitin' for the bank to make the competitive loansthat i'm lookin' for, and then i'll swoop in. cool. all right,i'm gonna get outta here.
you guys are good,right? what?you're just gonna leave us? yeah. what, are y-yougonna steal a bunchof my shit or something? probably.that's what strangers do. don't do that...maybe? okay. so i'm gonna see you again? uh...yeah, probably.i don't know.
i'll just, uh...i'll call you. bye! [ alice russell's "breakdown"plays ] ♪ gotta get my mind clear ♪ ♪ got nothing to lose ♪ ♪ gotta get my pain straight ♪ ♪ chase away them blues ♪ ♪ still got my thinkin' ♪ ♪ but it's getting loud ♪
♪ and all these voices ♪ ♪ keep spinning 'round ♪ ♪ ooh-ooh-ooh-oooh ♪ ♪ hey ♪ ♪ hey, hey-ey ♪ ♪ forgotten journeys ♪ ♪ missed the signs ♪ ♪ out there my possessions ♪ ♪ fit all the time ♪
♪ ooh-ooh ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ i'm trying not to break down ♪ ♪ you're holding ontoo tight now ♪ mike: hey, where's georgeand the rest of the guys? sal: they fucked me and tookanother gig, last minute. so i got these guys. where'd you get 'em? uhh, you know...industry referrals.
my dick. you got 'emoff craigslist, didn't you? nah. but, mike, i can't havefuckin' union guys around here barkin' about,about benefits and shit. gimme a fuckin' break. so what am i -- so...what ami supposed to do in there? hey, uh. hey. you sol? sal. sal.
adam. adam, how you doin'?oh, adam...this is mike. you guys are gonna beworkin' together. what? yeah. will you just, just give me a minute,all right? 'cause i want to straightensomething out there.you can hop up there. you gotta befuckin' kidding me. he's wearin'fucking tennis shoes.he doesn't know --
[ chuckles ] you gonna let him just -- mike, do me a favor,just go up there and do itfor 14 bucks an hour. do me a favor and help me,i don't need this fuckin' shit. i'm gonna do itfor 20 bucks an hour. i'll give you 18. don't f-, don't fuck with me.you're like my son, all right? yeah, and the son whichyou're gonna pay $20 an hour. man: yo, gimme that bondo!
all right,what you gonna do? what's up? you ever, uh...tiled a roof before? no. [ sighs ] fuck. how'd you get this jobanyways? craigslist. and you put on your postthat you'd tiled houses before. right.
sal: so, what do you gotin your...bag? [ clears throat ] why don't you open it up? adam:got nothin' in the bag. why don't you openthe fuckin' bag before i open your fuckin' headup -- how's that? i got...a niceham/cheese sandwich... you know how to read?huh? one pepsi a day.read the cooler.
i'm gonna do my inventory. if i come up short,i'm comin' right to you. [ open-door bell dinging,ignition clicking ] is it dead? adam: what's that? i can try to jump you offif you want, but it's not the battery. i thinkyou're probably fucked. just tell -- no.
tell 'em if theywant to get into this,to be, be up there. all right, i'll see youat the amp. all right. later. what are you do-- stop!what the fuck you doin', man? you're fuckin'.... [ grunts ] sorry. it's...it's new. and it's gonna stay new...
if you don't rip offall the damn plastic. why do you have that? because it protects it. i'm gonna rip it offwhen i'm ready to sell it, and it'll belike brand new. [ the sheepdogs'"learn my lesson" plays ] where are you from? citrus springs. did you play ball?
uh, yeah.strong safety. you don't look likea strong safety. i gave that, uh... college thingthe college try. didn't quite work out. couldn't resist the lureof the roofing business? yeah, that and the lureof my sister's couch. can you do me a favor and drop me offat my car tonight?
brooke: no, i'm sorry.i'm going to dinner. i can take youtomorrow morning, though. what timedo you have to be at work? i need to talk to youabout that. the foreman, uhh... yeah,he accused me of stealing. so i fuckin' quit. yeah, but...you know, i have... well, i had that interviewat t-mobile.
s-so, uh...yeah. they asked me to weara fuckin' tie, but.... and you know how i feelabout wearin' a fuckin' tie. why don't youjust wear a tie? sorry.you know what my rules are. oh, god, brother. what?i also could do, uh... [ indistinct mumbling ] what'd you say?
what'd you hear? you're doin' that thing.you're doin' that game! what game? no, you do the same thingall the time. it's not working anymore. or...ga-- talkin' about games,i could be a gamer. oh, yeah. and i could sell it on,sell it to people and...make money on --
you're gonna makeso much money. or i could bethe voice of the game. you could makeeven more money. i have a very good voice.i do great impressions. you do do good impressions. what was the oneyou did last night? i-i'm not gonna do it now. do it again!do it again! come on!
[ as arnold schwarzenegger ]"listen to me." "these are my tortillas." "get in the chopper.john connor, come with me." [ growls ] okay. all right. just in casethat doesn't work out... why don't you come to dinnerwith me and paul tonight? and you can ask him if anyof his friends in marketinghave any job openings. paul: but sometimespeople want to, you know...
they, they think that they'reowed a lot more than, uh... than they deserve,and so...too bad. bummer. uhh, but, uh...you know, whatever. sucks. i just don't want to have to bethe guy that tells 'em, uhh... you know, that they're, uh... that they're not gonna be ableto rebuild their houses. um...anyway. uhh...let's talk aboutsomethin' else.
you know. you're right. i'm...sickof talking about medicaid and...processinginsurance forms as well. i get it. i get it. it's -- i mean,it's slightly different when you're doingmedicaid claims and when you're doing, like,huge property damage claims
and stuff like that,but it's... i guessit's a similar kind of thing. w-w-wait-wait. wait.hey. mm? remember what i said? yeah.it's...it's cool. mm! i'm so sorry. i just, i can't drivetonight. i've been drivingall week and i... i'm, i'm so-,i'm sorry.
no worries. no worries.no worries. yeah, i just forgot. someone'll finish it...i think. there you go. i will. there's a taker. ♪ feels likethe very first time ♪ good?
♪ it feels likethe first time ♪ ♪ it feels likethe very first time ♪ where you going? [ sighs ] [ indistinct conversations,music thumping in distance ] hey, do you knowwho's spinning tonight? [ giggles ] uhh...no. sorry. all right.
hey, mike! mike! hey, sorry, bro. hey, man. yo. yeah, what's goin' on? what's going on, bro? are you,are you going in? yeah, yeah, we're going.
can i come with you? uhh.... dude, i don't -- they're never gonna let you inlike that. come on.i'd do anything. i, um...it's not my fault -- i mean, i'm just sayin' they're not gonna do it. i would...let you --i would do it, but... it's, it's -- i don't thinkthey're gonna do it, bro.
[ sighing ] fuck. okay, dude. hey! um...you're gonna owe me. i promise, man, i -- i mean, owe me.you're gonna -- no questions asked,owe me. anything. take your hood off. try to looka little more...
i don't know, tuck your sh-,fuckin' shirt in. you got to not weartennis shoes, bro. george, dude, i got one.i'm sorry. i know, i know. thanks, bro.i owe you. adam: sorry, man.these are the only shoes i got. [ cobra starship's "#1nite"playing ] ♪ we're in the spot right now ♪ ♪ ch-checking it out ♪
♪ packed from wall to wall ♪ ♪ it's going down, no doubt ♪ hey, baby! heyyy. mwah!can we borrow one of these? thank you.grab one! adam: is it free? don't worry, man,you're gonna earn your keep. ♪ whatever you needis on the dance floor ♪
♪ can't wait anymorebecause it don't last forever ♪ ♪ so turn up that spotlight ♪ so, i got usa new recruit. ladies, meet the kid.portia, ruby. what are we thinking?yes, no, maybe? oh, yeah.the cougars'll eat him up! yeah? that's a qualityendorsement, my friend. what do you guys do? [ both laugh ]
come here.come here. anytime a girl tells youher name starts with a flower, or a car or a stone, don't bother askingwhat she does. you know what i'm sayin'? all right, bro,i ain't got that much time, so i'm callin' in my favor,all right? you see the girl withthe tiara thing and the sash? yeah?
go talk to her. what do you want meto say? i don't care what you say. jus-- have you never talkedto a girl before? just go talk to her!be creative. she does not look likeshe wants to be bothered. look atwhat she's wearing! she came here tonight... to be bothered. now go bother her!
you want to be insideor outside? i want to be inside! i'll come save you in a minute.get outta here, let's go! ♪ oh-oh ♪ ♪ the future is so bright ♪ we are getting wasted tonightif we could get a drink! i know. she's, like, ignoringthe whole side of this bar. hey --
hey, carla! oh, my -- whoa! jeez! yo, man. watch out, you're gonna knockmy girlfriend. oh, yeah? yeah, what the fuckare you gonna do? okay.okay...all right.
uhhh...hi. hi. hi. do i know you? uh, no, i'm, uh.... i didn't knowthat i had a boyfriend, but thank you...for that.um... all the guys hereare fucking obnoxious. thanks for that. who do we have to fuckto get a fucking drink?!
uhhh...me, please? you'd like that,wouldn't you? yes, i would. yeah? well,we'll see about that. we've been standing around herefor quite a while, and i'm twenty-one. it's true. and i can't get drunk! you're twenty-one?
yes! happy twenty-first. i mean, i...i'd buy you guys a shot if i -- oh, no, no, no, don't worryabout it, um...? it's fine. oh, uh, adam. i'm liz. hi. hi, liz. mike: what do you say there,baby boy? you want one?
i can't find anybody totake these. y'all want them? yeah,we'll take 'em! perfect. we can't drink 'emall ourselves. whoo! uh, here's to, um...our children. may they haverich fuckin' parents. absolutely. ♪ gotta live like we got onenight, one night, one night ♪ [ coughs ]
[ laughs ] whoo! where do you guys go,to u.s.f.? mm-hm. so it's summer break,correct? that's riiight! yes, it is. whoo! and if i'm not mistaken,that says "twenty-one", right? i am twenty-one, yes! then why the fuckisn't she throwin' up?
liz:we can't get drinks! what do you meanyou can't get drinks? that's no excuse!that's a bad friend you got. i'm not a bad friend! you are a bad friend! i'm trying! you are a bad friend. you get us -- mike:see? you heard it from her.
you heard it from her,i'm just sayin'. what are you guys plannin'on doin' tonight? wouldn't you like to know? actually, i would,to be totally honest. look, if you guys like to geta wee bit crazy, why don't you come downand see the show? are you serious? wow. as a fuckin' heart attack,yes.
well, we have a lot offriends here, though. can they come, too? how many? eight or nine? that's perfect, actually. really? hand 'em these. tell themthey get in free at thedoor with one of those. maybe we'll come. no, no! that's not --that's not a commitment.
maybe we'll come, if your littlefriend here comes, too. oh, little friend! that's an easy if,because he will be there. he absolutely'sgonna be there. then we'll be there, too. that's all -- all right.the show starts in 45 minutes. 45 minutes.you can make it in 45 minutes? yeah! you're gonna come.you swear?
yeah...we promise. adam: dude! you're,you're a fucking stripper?! i swear i thoughtyou were gonna shit the bed, but you actually did it! ohh, man, look, i feel likei owe it to you. i can throw youa hundred bucks, maybe tip you outat the end of the night if maybe, if,if you really wanna host. host what?
mike: yeah.no, for sure. hope you're readyfor this shit. woman: ohh! mike! woman #2: hi, mike! [ indistinct shouting ] who's your friend,mike? i'm ready. mike: this is the owner.jesus. he doesn't choreographmy solos,
fucking valhalla shit, man! but...he choreographseverybody else's. agghh!you see that shit, mike? chicks are gonna go fuckin'crazy over this, man. look, i'm thinkin' aboutgivin' this routine to tarzan unless you want it. what do you think? mm, no.it's not my style, but, uh...somebody should do it.it's cool.
oh, it's fuckin'really good. uh, who's this? this is the kid! he wrangled, like, ninesorority girls for us tonight, so i figured we'd help him out,throw him some cash. he could help outaround here tonight. how old are you? uh, 19. 19.
what the fuck am i supposed todo with that, mikey? oh, come on. he don't look 19.look at him. well,i can't have him host. can't have a 19-year-oldon the fuckin' street. why? what's he gonna do? then...he can do props,can't he? i can do anything. come on, we're settin' upour own shit as it is.
all right. props. yeah? all right. you're on props tonight.do whatever mikey tells you, whatever any of the guystell you. clean the fuckin' toilets,whatever it is, all right? tonight.and listen up. this is nota fuckin' joke. all right?it's not a fuckin' hobby. this is a serious businessi'm runnin' here.
so the last thing i needis a teenage liabilityfuckin' my future up. don't try it. yeah. capisce? tarzan: one thing aboutwaffle house pussy is yougotta worry about the teeth. mike:waffle house pussy? [ laughter ] i hatewaffle house pussy. yo, everybody,this is the kid! y'all can thank me later.he's gonna help us out tonight.
this is big dick richie, ken, tito, and tarzan,the beast of tampa. what's up? what's up? all right, look, just tell himwhat props you need. i'll have himset 'em up later. what's up, bud? and, uh...yeah, have fun. hey, kid... make yourself at home,kid.
there you go, bro. ohhh.... uh...no, thanks, man. no? nah, i'm good. suit yourself. okay. you handed it to melike the hindenburg there. richie: how long you beenon the force? the police.how long you been a cop?
i'm not a cop, man. just fuckin' with you.sit down. come on, man, sit down. tarzan: ohhh.so, how do you know mike? we, uh...we worked togetheron construction. tito: this shaving creamis the shit, bro! i told you, man.all organic, all natural. tarzan: what kinda cashyou make at that? you all right, man?
tito: a little more expensive,but, man, worth it! ken:it's worth it, right? you gotta treat yourself. tarzan:what kinda cash you make? like...ten bucks an hour. under the table? it goes rightin your bloodstream. hmm. tito: you've gotthe right idea, bro.
you're changin' my life...one step at a time. it's my wife. tarzan: so you're hereto help us out? yes, i am. all right, so i got your firstlittle piece of business -- bam! that look ashy to you? what's that, man? that look ashy? richie: heads up.
just give it a little --just...a little -- a little sprayon that calf there. oh, come on. dude, i don't want tospray your leg. just do it! ken: we allhad to do it, man. it's part of --it's like the initiation."lord of the flies". come on. roll. tito: come on, kid, help out.it's all right.
we're gonna tip you out goodat the end of the night.you'll be a happy man. tarzan: all right. richie: make sureyou massage it in good. you serious? he fuckin' did it, too! [ laughter continues ] ohhh...you're all right, man,you're all right. dallas: take this front rowtable right here, ladies. you got your i.d. on you?
you got your i.d.? you're not drinkin'a shirley templetonight, are you? no, no, no, no. we've already hada few drinks, so.... all right. no roy rogers,no shirley temples. y'all have a great time,all right? okay, thank you. see, we doa...group act first, and then we do our solos,and then we do hot seats.
and if everything goesreally well and we get all these girlsjacked up, then we jack up the priceof the hot seats, so don't fuck it upfor us. dude, it's, it's,it's easy. all you got to do isjust hand us our props... before we go out onstage. all right? that's it.that's all you gotta do. you bring out whatever propsand everything --
tobias: hey, amigo! there he is. ♪ la noticias ♪ this is tobias.he is our resident d.j. hey there, man. the kid, tobias.tobias, the kid. he's gonna be the one giving youthe cue before each, each act. pre-game.that's what i'm talkin' about. it's the love potion,man.
this may -- what is this?strawberry? wha-what is this flavor? what is that? it's a little mixture. in, uhhh...in miami,we call it hey juice. hey juice? hey juice. yeah, because if you drinkthe whole bottle, "heyyy!" you gonna like it, man.
give him a sample. you can't drink, so you want,like, a half a cap? but i, i, eh, uh, i-i don't knowwhat...what the fuck it is. it's just g. it's, it's basicallylike gettin' drunk without all the calories. you sure? darle. fuck.
dallas: whoooo! yeeeaaaaaahhh! how we feelin' tonight, ladies? come on, let me hear itone more time. come on. come on. it's gonna rain! rain gonna come downand cleanse our soul and wash away the ash! so get out your purses and get ready to spendsome motherfuckin' cash.
will you welcome to the stagethe one, the only, the cock-rocking kingsof tampa!!! [ countr㩠black's"it's raining men" playing ] ♪ temperature is rising ♪ ♪ barometer's gettin' low ♪ ♪ according to all sources ♪ ♪ the street's the place to go ♪ ♪ cause tonightfor the first time ♪ ♪ at just about half-past ten ♪
♪ for the first timein history ♪ ♪ it's gonna start raining men ♪ ♪ it's raining men ♪ ♪ hallelujah! ♪ ♪ amen! ♪ ♪ i'm gonna go out ♪ ♪ and let myself getabsolutely soaking wet ♪ ♪ it's rainin' men ♪ ♪ every specimen! ♪
♪ tall, blonde, dark and lean ♪ ♪ rough and toughand strong and meeeeeean ♪ ♪ it's rainin' men! ♪ ♪ it's rainin men! ♪ [ cheers and applauseintensify ] [ t-pain's "booty wurk"plays ] ♪ now let me see the booty work,booty work ♪ ♪ booty boo-boo-booty work ♪ ♪ booty work, booty work ♪
♪ booty boo-boo-booty work,go ahead ♪ [ women cheering ] ♪ left cheek, right cheek ♪ [ unknown's"bang bang boom" plays ] ♪ boom! ♪ ♪ it's like a disco in the sky ♪ ♪ we watch the fireworks explodein our eyes ♪ ♪ it's like a worldwithout a war ♪ ♪ a pyromaniacbeggin' for more ♪
♪ bang! sayonara ♪ ♪ bang! nice to know ya ♪ ♪ bang! say good-bye ♪ ♪ bang, bang! boom! ♪ ♪ i've got an army in my head ♪ ♪ might blow the brains ♪ ♪ am i better off dead? ♪ ♪ i've got a cyclonein my soul ♪ ♪ my heart's bleedin' througha big black hole ♪
[ bongo drums playing ] dallas: hoo, ha! hoo, ha! hoo-ah! tarzan! ooooooo-ooh! tarzaaann!!! where the fuck is he? mike: then what would you liketo fuckin' do about it?
tito: i don't give a shit!i'm not pickin' him up! motherfucker.what the fuck, man? ken: he's g'ed out here,boss. tarzan, tarzan.fuck, man. motherfucker!how many fucking times, huh? [ exhales deeply ] ken -- s&m routine.you up on that?can you do that? i told you, i'm not puttin' thatout there, man. it's too muchnegative energy.
you're not putting whatout there? the negative energy. it's bad.and it comes back. negative fucking energy, right.you're fuckin' kidding me. richie, richie,the, uh, uh, fire-breathing gig. huh? you up for that? nah, i gotthe fire...phobia issue. tito.anything, man. south of the border fuckin' shityou've been doing at home. tito: i just gave youtwo dances, dallas.
nothin'? i'm, i'm working on something,but it's not ready yet. fuck!all right. all right. it's not ready. all right,we gotta do something.mikey, mikey, mikey,what do you got? nah, i just came offstage.i can't do it. an idea, man.an idea. an idea. give me somethin', man. you go out then!
gimme somethin', man!i'm not hittin' thefuckin' floor. come on. you want meto come up with something? fuck, yeah, man! i hope you can dance.you still owe me. come on! whoooooo! ah-ooh! mike: you just starttaking your clothes off. walk out there.what are you lookingat dallas for? don't -- look at them.look out.
♪ virgin, virgin ♪ ♪ touchedfor the very first time ♪ just start, bro. yeah, perfect, perfect.go, go, go, go! ♪ like a vir-ir-ir-irgin ♪ ♪ when your heart beatsnext to mine ♪ ♪ like a virgin ♪ [ cheers and applause continue ] ♪ i was beat, incomplete ♪
♪ i'd been had ♪ ♪ i was sad and blue ♪ ♪ but you made me feel ♪ ♪ yeah, you made me feel ♪ ♪ shiny and new ♪ all right, all right,all right, all right! let's give it upfor the kid, huh? popped his cherry onstagetonight! and you know what time it is.it's time for the hot seat!
you know what that means.the orgy's over, ladies! time for some one-on-one timewith the man of your dreams! five dollars a pop! get up here. welcometo the crazy club, kid. come on. come on, baby.everybody. line up, line up, line up. richie: yeah, man! yeah!whose big dick is that? tito: whooooooo!
mike:we did good, swear to god. i love it! i slipped in --there's a puddle. there's a puddle. kiiiiiid!!! look atthis saggy underwearin', motherfuckin'all-star right here! i thought you were d.o.a.!i thought you were d.o.a.! richie:buy yourself some fresh drawers.
he put that kisson her and pfft... pouring moneyoutta their hands. dallas: ahhhhhhhhhh... never kiss the girls, kid. that's performer 101! you gotta watch out for herpes.think about it. that, too. but tonight you took a chanceand it paid off. all right? i like that.fucking worked!
i got youyour money, man. that ain't my money, big boy.that's your money. every man keeps every dollarhe makes on that stage. plus the $50...that i owe you.all right? look...get ready to work,big boy. it ain't gonna be that easyevery time, hear me? yes, sir. fuckin' worked. whoo! dallas: hohhhh!
mike: well, which kinddo you have? ken, nice fucking robot! ha-ha, good shit. mike lays it out! titobringing in the south sidewith some brown skin! you know, those two girlssaid they were gonna meet usat the amp afterwards. big dick, they are stilldevastated by your cock. richie: it was like 25% dancing,50% marketing. tito: what? hey, mike sold it upreal nice.
yeah, how 'bout you forgetting25% more genius? genius, kid! genius! how we do tonight, mikey? uhhh...it's a little under $2,500. umm...that's $400 betterthan last week. that'll work. and my, uh...my cut of the door. that was dangerous shityou pulled tonight, throwing that kidout on the plank like that.
it worked though,didn't it? shit! i didn't know if it was gonnatill he hit the floor. he pulled it out. what's his story? i don't know. i mean, i met himat the site today. ran into him at ybor. those two little pretty onesover there
were just...all hot and bothered, so i just figuredi'd bring him along. well...it was a good move. he may have somethin',brother. he's young,he's good-lookin'.... he can't dance for shit. cannot dance for shit,but that is teachable. we could use some more youthon the team. why don't you bring himto practice tomorrow
and we'll seewhat he's got. so, what the fuck is goin' onin miami? miami is lookin' good. i got a couple loopholesi gotta get through with the, uh, real estateattorneys down there. but after that it's gonna beall green lights, brother. what do you need from me?what's my side? you just gotta keep doin'what you're doin', okay? i love where your head's at.you're focused.
you're like a big brotherto this team. you keep that up,you could be makin' a lotmore than this door money, i guarantee you that. both ways this time,though...right? two-way street, baby. i want to hear you saythe word: equity. dallas: e-q-u-i-t-y. say it! say it! tito: come on, i'mtellin' the story, man.the girls are screaming.
[ black daniel's"gimme what you got" plays ] ♪ one, two, three, four ♪ ♪ give...what...you've...got! ♪ ♪ give...what... ♪ ♪ gimme what you've got ♪ come on, man,hurry up and pull the trigger. it's what they came for. they say it slices and dices. it's what they've paid for,so....
♪ gimme what you've got! ♪ ♪ nah, nah, nah, nah ♪ ♪ nah, nah, nah, nah, nah ♪ this is where you drop out at. ♪ you've...got ♪ ♪ give...what...you've...got ♪ ♪ gimme what you got! ♪ ohh! hey, mike.
huh? i think, uh... i think we should bebest friends. let's go. adam:fuckin' cover for me. mike: so how pregnantdid you get that girl's mouth? uh, wet. [ snickers ] this is fuckin' great.
good morning! adam: hi, sis. hi! mike: hi! brooke, this is mike. ohhh...nice one! oh, thank you.mike, this is brooke. brooke.absolute pleasure. mike.
hello. mike:you, you a nurse? i'm a medical assistant.i process nurses' paperwork. way cooler! sure. sure. ohh, nice, dude! is this one of those retro,like, wakefield, or is thisa russel wright? this --oh, it's a knock-off.
that's,that's cool, though. mike: where'd,where'd you get this thing? uh, apparentlythe knock-off place. [ chuckles ] right. so, how do you knowmy brother? uh, he's on my roofing crew. but i'm a...i'm an entrepreneur, though. i, uh, managea few businesses. sure.
sure, cool. cool. so, the kid said somethin'about breakfast? uh, well, he must befuckin' drunk, 'cause i don't cookno fuckin' breakfast. i wasn't talking aboutyou cooking it. he just saidyou like breakfast food. and we were gonna swing by ihopon the way -- okay!uh, good talk. i'm, you know...i'll be outside
with the rest of the breakfastlovers of the world. all right, kid. dallas: virgin dancethe other night. chunk it. no more. you only havea cherry pop one time. now look,you walked out onstage, you looked like shit.all right? when i saw somethin'...is when you got offstage and pulled a one-on-onewith that chick. all right? i'll show youwhat you're gonna do next,
but for now...let's go to the basics. take your clothes off. right now? right fuckin' now!take 'em off. every fucking one of them,let's go. let's go!take 'em off. [ mike chuckles ] hang on, hang on,no, no, no. what the fuckare you doin', maaan? what are you, a twelve-year-oldin the locker room?
no. i thought -- then what the fuckare you doin'? i'm fuckin' taking offmy clothes. you're takin' offyour clothes like a twelve-year-oldin the fuckin' locker room. but you're not a twelve-year-oldin the locker room. you are the maaan!on the stage! thousands of women!eyes on you. you are their vision.so what do you do?
you don't just fuckin' throwyour clothes off, do ya? you fuckin' make it count,baby. you walk out.you own it. you look around. you tease. you seduce. clock eyes but don't lock inon any of 'em. you gotta believe that you are insideevery single one of 'em.
and when the time's right...then you'll know it. fummmmmm, stick it! that right there islike hittin' the g-spot, every single time. all right, now get up there,move around. you see, baby,you're not just strippin'. all right? you are fulfillingevery woman's wildest fantasies. all right? you are the husbandthat they never had. you are that dreamboat guythat never came along!
you arethe one-night stand, that free fling of a fuckthat they get to have, tonight, with you onstage, and still go home to their hubbyand not get in trouble, because you, baby,you made it legal. you are the liberation! own it. who's got the cock?you do, they don't. get right here. move slow.around. around.
fucking concentrate! round...round...round. make this shit count. ain't time for a fuckin'fag joke in here, boy --i'm talkin' about money. move around...round...round. get the movements, breathe.all right. easy, rattlesnake. now, on threeyou're gonna stick it. one...two...
three, stick! that's the hook, baby.that's the fuckin' hook. that's what i'm talkin' about.all right? [ exhales sharply ] you can do this...'cause i know you can. i can do it. now, take a breath. fuck that mirrorlike you mean it. mike:all right, all right, all right!
all right, we got the kidcomin' up on the main stage. hi, beatrice.all right, you ready? dallas gave me the go-aheadon gettin' you suited up, son. you ready? why do youlook scared for?! you look -- you already lostyour virginity, man. all you gotta do now isget good at it. we gotta get you an americanflag star-spangled banner for fourth of julysummertime.
dude.this has no back. that's the point.it's a thong. what the fuck is this? [ toy squeaks ] stay away from theelephant socks, bro.that's dallas shit. you don't want to look like himon the first night out, do you? what's dallas's deal, man?is he, uh...is he a good guy? yeah. dallas is...not a-- dallas is dallas. i mean...it's pretty coolthat he let me in.
yeah. it's, it's coolthat he let you in. look, we thinkyou got somethin'. i'm not exactly sure whatthat is just yet, but, uh... all we know isyou got a lotta work to do. so don't quit your day jobjust yet. [ insects chirping ] [ keys jingle ] [ water running ] [ knock on door ]
brooke: adam! [ water turns off ] adam, get out here,i need to talk to you. what do you want? i want to talk to you, man.get the fuck out. get out, adam!what are you -- i'll be out in a minute,please! one sec. adam, i need tofucking talk to you. what about?
um...about this box. i need to talk to youabout this box of boots, and thongs, and sailor hats,and tube socks, and i don't even fuckin',i don't even know. uh, it's for work? it's for work? yeah, work. adam, don't fucking lieto me, man! come on, i'm your sister.i love you.
i don't judge you.you're my brother. just please come out hereso i can talk to you. you know what? i don't carewhat your preferences are, man. i just...i want to talk to youabout...some-- "preferences?" eh, whoa, hey! adam, just -- it is notwhat it looks like. is that my razor?
are you shavingyour fucking legs? yeah,i'm shaving my legs. why are you shavingyour legs? it's for work, okay? what do you mean,it's for work? how could it possibly befor work? ♪ dum, da-da-dum,da-da-dum, da-da-dum ♪ ♪ da-da-daaa-daaaa! ♪ [ horse galloping ]
[ horse neighs ] [ big & rich's "save a horse(ride a cowboy)" plays ] [ gunshots ] ♪ well, i walk into the room ♪ ♪ passin' outhundred dollar bills ♪ ♪ and it kills and it thrills ♪ ♪ like the hornson my silverado grille ♪ ♪ and i buy the bara double round of crown ♪ ♪ and everybody's gettin' down,and this town ♪
ma'am, excuse me, you'regonna have to move it down, 'cause, uh, this is thebreakfast lovers' section, so... here we go! hi, mike. entrepreneur/stripper?stripper/entrepreneur? either one. you really just came downto see little brother? no, i was hopingthis was all a joke. it is pretty funny.
♪ save a horse,ride a cowboy ♪ you better take careof him, mike. okay, mom. i'll take care of him. you should stick around,though. ♪ i'm a thoroughbred ♪ ♪ that's what she saidin the back of my truck bed ♪ dallas:all right, all right, hey, yeah, let's give it upfor the kid, huh?
baaaang!a six-shooter for ya. there we go. this next performerwho's comin' out... he's one of a kind, ladies. i saw this young man walkin' down the streetabout six years ago, and i knew when i saw him, i just knewi had to bring him in. bring him in
and have his talents be shownto the universe. and tonight he's gonna beright here on this stage, so you can seewith your very own eyes. our feature presentation,the one and only. the star of the show, mister magic...mike. [ ginuwine's "pony" plays ] ♪ i'm just a bachelor ♪ ♪ i'm looking for a partner ♪
♪ someonewho knows how to ride ♪ ♪ without even fallin' off ♪ ♪ gotta be compatible ♪ ♪ takes me to my limits ♪ ♪ girl, when i break you off ♪ ♪ i promise thatyou won't want to get off ♪ ♪ if you're horny,let's do it ♪ ♪ ride it, my pony ♪ ♪ my saddle's waitin' ♪
♪ come and jump on it ♪ ♪ sitting here flossin' ♪ ♪ peepin' your steelo ♪ ♪ just onceif i have the chance ♪ ♪ the thingsi will do to you ♪ ♪ you and your body ♪ ♪ every single portion ♪ ♪ send chillsup and down your spine ♪ ♪ juices flowin'down your thigh ♪
did you seeyour sister tonight? adam: see my sister? what do you mean? your sister was there. no, she wasn't. yeah, she's...was there during your act. you talked to my sister? i talked to your sister as you were d-, dry-humping agirl up and down the stage, yes.
my sister saw me dance? yeah,we were actually laughing. i had a good, pretty good laughabout it. [ laughs ] ohh, wow!fu-uck! she did not look happy.did you tell her to come up? i told her. i didn't thinkshe'd fuckin' come. jeez. well...she did. i don't know how long she stayedfor, but it was, uh... [ laughs ]she looked pissed!
[ laughs ]fu-u-u--! woof! how much moneydid you make tonight? how much money? uh, like $230. $230?that's good, man. yeah. oh, by the way, i... i got this for you, uh, just for gas and...and shit. get the f--[ laughs ]
are you kidding me, dude?keep your money. it's fine. dude, you drive me aroundall the time. i can pay for my own gas. it's fine.thank you, though. it was a really sweet gesture.i appreciate it. thank you. mike: that's a,that's a beautiful necklace. is that vintage? oh...eh, i...t-, um...no, it's...no, it's --
[ chuckling ]my sister... yeah, my sister got it for mefrom target, i think. ummm... uh, s.b.a., yes.uh... name and social. absolutely.michael lane. 038-00-7128. and...i have... brought the fundsfor my down payment.
uh, yes. um... okay, we seem to havea credit issue, mister lane. your score...see, it's four...t-- right.no, i, i, uh, actually, i talked to mr. rodriguezlast week. oh. and as i was explainingto him, the businesses that i manage,they deal exclusively in cash.
and he said that you would forgothe credit check if i brought ina healthy down payment. i mean, he t--it should be noted there. he saidhe was gonna put it in. um...you are...currently... the manager of an automotiveaccessories business? absolutely, and an eventmanagement company... a roofing firm. [ chuckles ] honestly, the,the list goes on.
you're...a busy guy! [ chuckles ] yeah. lucky to be. so, what kinda ratesam i lookin' at? there are ways to clearthese credit issues up over time, but -- oh, my god, i haven't eventold you what i'm here for. i, i really apologize.this...is -- this is,this is what i do.
right here. michael lanecustom furniture concepts. it's competitive pricing,low overhead. i mean...really,who wants to buy that crap when it falls apartin a year when you can get handcraftedfurniture for a bargain? [ telephone rings in distance ] you know what i mean? yeah, it's...
unfortunately, mr. lane...my hands are tied. the company has a policy that we cannotissue loans to clients who score belowour credit threshold. i can, i canabsolutely understand where you're comin' from. i -- you know,you hit buttons and you think that you knowsomething about me. and i g-, i get it.
no, i -- it's okay.all i a-- i'm just -- all i'm askin' foris a good deal. please, can you help mewith that? i mean, we, we do offerrelief programs for our qualified distressedclients, so that -- how do-- i'm sorry, what? it's a relief programso that you can -- for distressed?i'm, i'm, i'm distressed?
no! no, no, no,not, not like that. sweetheart, listen.i -- it's okay. it's fine.does this look distressed? i don't think so, one. two, i read the papers...okay? the only thing that's distressedis y'all. [ doorbell ringing ] can you get the door? [ as marilyn monroe ]♪ hap-py birrrrthday ♪
♪ mrs. brooke ♪ [ noisemaker blows ] adam, it's for you. happy birthday. [ imitates fart, laughs ] [ normal voice ] come on!let's go! sandbar party! fourth of july,nuts-on-your-head wake-up call, let's go! come on! no, no, no, no, no!you are comin', too.don't even try.
um...i'm gonna go to bed,it's seven in the morning. [ mockingly ] "oh, it's sevenin the morning. i hate fun!" jesus christ, you better havesome epic plans if you are gonna turn your backon a sandbar party! [ cloud control's"just for now" plays ] ♪ let's go outand make the road shake ♪ ♪ i've got love to make ♪ ♪ and i've gotta leavewith the morning light ♪ ♪ i've got a book to write ♪
♪ leatherboundin my feathered hand ♪ ♪ to make you understand ♪ ♪ that's it's just for nowwww ♪ ♪ it's just for now ♪ ♪ twenty yearson a steady slope ♪ ♪ i'm all outta hope ♪ there you are.what did i tell you? ♪ never thoughtwe'd come this far ♪ paradise.
[ chuckles ]yeah. paradise. marooned on an islandwith all the strippers in tampa. how did i get so lucky? yeah...the bestfourth of july ever. i literally was justthinking that in my head, like, like, just now. joanna: hey, gorgeous! get outta my head. oh, shit.
yo! what are you doin' here? you know me.always making new friends. good to see you. good to see you, too.how are you? i'm good. uhh,this is, um, brooke. brooke: hi. oh, hey!
brooke, uh, joanna.joanna, brooke. nice to meet you. hi. nice to meet you, too. i like your bikini. thank you.you, too. is that a tattoo? this -- what does it say?i was trying to make it out. yeah.oh, it's, uh... it just, um,says i was seventeen and...
nice. yeah. it's crazy. yeah, uh, so i, i know, uh,i know joanna from the club. uh, she came up --she studied psychology and she came up to, uh... what's the, what's the thingthat you came up to do? behavior analysis. she was analysizingour behavior...apparently. right. yeah.
and, uh... that must have been,uhh...really enlightening. it actually was. you know,i go a few times a week, if you want to comewith us. she is actually the kid's,uh, brother. sister. i mean, sister. sister. yeah. is that a tattooover there, too?
yeah! you know,i just made so many... she has tattoos. you want a drink?you want a drink? yeah.yeah, yeah. yeah? all right,i'll get you a drink. it was nice to meet you. it was niceto meet you, too. yeah, so... she's cute. what?
i don't normally like blondes,i know, but she's really cute. she's...yeah, but she's not really a.. you know, like, our type.you know what i'm saying? oh, what,you're not into her? no.that's not what i'm saying. i'm saying she's, she'slike...she's a little uptight. okay, well, we're fucking her,not taking her to dinner. that's not gonna happen! she's the, a dinner typeis what i'm trying to say --
do you get me? ohhh. oh, okay, well...if you decideyou want to share... i -- that's not what -- and change your mindand put some effort into it... you know my number. and besides, you know how muchi love to eat. yes. i, i will. obviouslyyou don't like head.
[ indistinct conversation ] dallas:how's it goin', man? it's going. what? you know, i startedcheatin' in the seventh grade just to entertain myself. finished high school, but ifi could do it all over again, i wouldn't even havegone to high school.no. no fuckin' way. brooke: does that mean you don'tbelieve in school at all? i thinkfuck school altogether.
when i have a kid, i'm gonnaset him in front of the t.v. and make him watch "mad money"all day long. i'm gonna teach himabout the stock market. get him into some ameritradeand shit like that. i guarantee youby the time he's eighteen that little fucker'sgonna be flush in cash. richie:boo-yah! cool. you know...i don't know whymore people don't do that. hm?
you know, just froman investment standpoint. well, that's the stateof the country, man. america. people. stupid. i hope i get to meetyour kids someday. oh, no problem. come visit anytime in one ofour three cool houses, dear. mike:hey, look, if you want, i could probably getdallas's number for you.
i mean, he's starting thisnew life-coaching business... that i really do think that youmight benefit from personally. i mean, i saw the connectionbetween the two of you. it was like...alchemy. [ laughing ] what -- i'm sorry.i... right?so you felt it, too? i -- what? just, what?
what would his kidseven look like? they'd be runnin' aroundin little...rattlesnakediapers and shit. oh, no...oh, no... look, don't -- uh, they justsay stupid shit sometimes.don't let 'em bother you. oh, no,it didn't bother me. no, i'm just trying towrap my mind around adam and this whole mess,i don't -- i don't know how i fitinto this whole mix, either,so it's just fine. no, you...you...
when you're onstage,it all makes sense. i mean, the way you dance andthe way the women respond to you and it has to be -- wait a minute. so that means someonemight have...stuck around. that's good to know. that feeling... that must be a really crazyfeeling to be onstage like that. i see why you've been doing itfor so long, i get it.
but adam's different.he's... why is that? well, he hada football scholarship. i mean, a year ago...he basically ruined it by getting in a...fistfightwith his coach in the first hourof the first day. it was c-- yeah. i think he saidsomething about that. so i just don't,i don't know,
i'm just trying to figure out...why he's stripping. i don't,i don't really... "why" is easy. what do you mean, it's "easy"?what do you mean? you wantsome stripper wisdom? [ chuckles ] okay. he's 19 years old. it's women, money,and a good time. i guess.i guess.
i got him. okay? so, you gonna cometo the show tonight? you're gonna cometo the show tonight. you just said over therethat you liked the show. i mean, you just said -- that doesn't meani'm gonna go again. but you just said. i'm not going.i've seen it.
i've seen it.i've seen too much, frankly. [ drum cadence plays ] dallas: [ chanting ] i do knowand i've been told... men: [ chanting ]i do know and i've been told... big dick richiegot a cock of gold! nowww, let's give it upfor the virgin kid! let's give it upfor the virgin kid! anything you want,he won't forbid! now, mikey got a pipeyou gonna love!
mikey's got a cockyou know you gonna love! what he got down lowfits like a glove! soldiers, sound off! one, two! sound off! three, four! one, two, three, four,one, two... all: three, four! ho, ho, ho, ho!
[ guns cock ] [ machine-gun fire ] man: the deadliest weapon in theworld is a marine and his rifle. ohh...don't do that.don't do that. i didn't --he did that himself. hey, mikey. i just -- i'm bringin' him home.get up. hey, brother bear. yeah, thank you.
he's just...he's just stonedout of his mind. um...um... what's up, dude? yeah, we, we -- my bad.we, uh.... all right, kid.i'll see you later. is that paul? yeah. it's -- yeah.come on. i'm just saying --
what are you s-- it's going,it's going good? yeah, it's good.it's good. just go on.it's going...go! hey, look, i --uh...thanks. thanksfor bringing him back. i told you i was gonnatake care of him, didn't i? yeah.watch yourself. all right.[ chuckles ]
so, uh... i don't know, how's, how's,how's school or whatever? umm...it's good. it's good. i'm sorry, what, what the fuckdo you study again? social studies or s-,so-, sociology or ssss... did you say"social studies"? social science? what am i, in middle schoolor something?
no. no. psychology. mmm... so, how much longer you gotin, uh..."psychology"? uh, i have,uh, six weeks... si-- until i'm, uh...cer-- for real? six weeks? yeah. and theni'm a certified shrink.
six weeks.that's right. i know.people have to pay me now. that's huge. it is, yeah. i'm not paying you. not for these little visitsat least. i'd feel badtaking money from you. i'm too fucked up anyway,so... oh, you're not so bad.
so what, are you gonna open upyour own...like -- now...you ask a lotta questions,don't you? little chatty cathytonight, huh? chatty cathy. and questions are off limits,i guess? they're always off limits. you don't need to talk.just look pretty. what was your name again? i can't remember your name.what was it? what was it?
look, i'm gonna go, okay? um, but i'll...give youa call? mm-hm. mwah. get outta here. [ ringside's "money" plays ] ♪ go! ♪ ♪ i do believe thatthis could be the beginning ♪ ♪ of something really special ♪ ♪ i got a feelingyou and me together ♪
♪ we will be sensational ♪ ♪ but you better hold on ♪ ♪ 'cause this feeling'sso strong ♪ ♪ my heart is just jumpingfrom my chest ♪ ♪ gonna pop and locktill the walls fall down ♪ ♪ machine is fierce and fast ♪ ♪ hoo, hoo! ♪ ♪ you're money, baby ♪ ♪ you stone-cold sister ♪
♪ make a mansomethin' desperate ♪ ♪ ain't funny ♪ ♪ got your fingeron the trigger ♪ ♪ and caps are ready to blow ♪ ♪ ho! ♪ ♪ baby, how you handlewhen the pedal's to the metal ♪ ♪ you break all the lawsof physics ♪ ♪ there ain't no stoppin'when a body's this rockin' ♪ ♪ sugar,your shit is ridiculous ♪
♪ just paint the sky red,gets her out of our heads ♪ ♪ there will beno point of return ♪ ♪ you make me chase, chasefor the love you make, make ♪ ♪ now, let's letthis sucker burn ♪ tito: that's what i'm sayin'.i'm lookin' at longevity. woman:and i'm a realtor, so... i mean,this is fun for now, but i'm not gonna be this youngand beautiful forever, you know, so...
strip malls --i think i got a good idea here. you know, and i watchall these people. this carleton sheetsand these guys on t.v. and i read this articlecalled "rich dad poor dad". that's a great book. yeah? you read that? i actually wentto the convention... yeah, well, uh, robert... ...to see robert kawasaki.
kiyosaki. yeah, yeah, yeah,that's the guy. yeah, yeah, yeah. dallas: heeey-ah! all right, all right,all right, hey-ah! all right, if everybody canquiet down a second here. will you quiet down a sec? richie: hey! everybody!shut the fuck up! richie, that's fuckin'microsuede, man.
aw, shit.sorry, bro. that's all right.thanks. dallas: all right, now i gotan announcement to make. now, that means you,too, tarzan. come on, big boy,outta the shadowsinto the light. come on, baby. i've been tellin' y'all this is gonna be a special nightfor a long time, and now i'm gonna tell you why.
despite the hurricane that has soiled our ratherbountiful saturday afternoon, the good lord has blessedthe kings of tampa this summer. can i get an amen on that? amen! mm. [ gulps ] we've been talkin' a lotabout the markets. waitin' for the sweet spot.
waitin' for our time to makeour move, take our show global. well, as of september first, we will no longer be...the cock-rocking kings of tampa. no, sir, no, ma'am. we will bethe cock-rocking kings of four thousandsquare feet of miami prime-timebeachfront real estate, mother-fuckerrrs! fuck yeah!
dallas: huh? huh? ahhhh... big dick. keep it fuckin' hangin' low. tito, call themcubano cousins, huh? tito:they on their way, baby. kid, you readyfor the big time, huh? adam: yes, sir, i am. you readyfor the big time?
i am.bring it on. all right, tobias,you ready to take your big self down to the beach,big boy? i'm ready, man.i'm ready. huh? ken... housewives gonna love youdown there, huh? we are blessed. they gonna love you now.huh...tarzan! mm!
did you knowthey made trees tall enough to swing from tampato motherfuckin' miami, huh?! how about that, huh? huh!!! yeaahhh! my main man. the moon is just a chip shotaway, brother! chip shot away. fuck, yeah. i gotta let it sink in, man.we're really doin' this?
oh, fuck, yeah,we're doin' this, man. this is our time. all right.all right. listen, man. i couldn't even have dreamedall this shit up without you. we're gonna do it together,and we're gonna do it justlike we always said. 7.5 across the board.we are gonna motherfuckin' kill. you meant to say 10,didn't you? congrats, kid.
thanks, man. hey, you know... if you want to go in on a...on a pack with me... mike's not interested, but,you know, we can go halfsies. i could make itworth your while. yeah, sure. [ laughs ] bueno! talk to you later about it,okay? ♪ hey! ♪
♪ gonna wiggle ♪ ♪ wiggle one time, baby, now ♪ adam: who is that? mike: nora. i don't think you need thatin your life, bro. ♪ and, baby, i'm woken ♪ [ thunder crashes ] ♪ i've been watchin'your sassy sexy wiggle ♪ ♪ yeah, and, uh ♪
♪ i need you... ♪ [ dallas laughs ] ♪ 'cause, baby,you're messed up ♪ hey, baby girl,what are you doin'? huh? no, i'm at a...i don't know,i'm at this party. it's gettin' lame,i want to get outta here. how 'bout i, uh,i don't know, come scoop you up? i can bring you a present. dallas: boom!
boom, boom, boom, boom,boom, boom, boom! i got a thing. roll of thun-derrrrrr! come on, you ain't -- thank youfor your bass note! all right, okay. all right,i'll, i'll call you later. ♪ got to turn them toes ♪ ♪ as good as your woman ♪ this is herman.
adam: hi, herman. ♪ you gotthat sassy sexy wiggle ♪ he likes you. [ wind howling ] hey, y'all.it's all right. we'd liketo order. [ pig grunting ] that pigis so fuckin' cute. ken:angels or demons?
angels. angels. okay. [ pills rattling ] if you chew it,it'll hit you quicker. you're gonna fuckin'love this one. fuckin' miami, man. [ chuckling ]fuckin' miami. how you kids doin'tonight? that storm is crazy,huh?
[ rain pouring on roof ] beautiful. [ breathes deeply ] my wife's tits are awesome,right? i said my wife's titsare awesome. check 'em out, man. you fucking joking, man? i'm not fucking joking.you check 'em out. feel them, man.they're so fuckin' amazing.
[ ken's wife chuckles ] come on. [ chuckles ] it's okay.go ahead, man. they're real, i swear. yeah, i bet they are. see? this is okay? it's okay with me, man.[ chuckling ] she loves it. i fucking love you.
no, man, i love you. n-n-no,you don't understand. i fuckin' love you. no...i fucking... i fucking love you, man. i love you, man. you're sucha fucking special soul. i love you. [ chuckles ]i love you, too.
[ keyboard clacking ] [ adam whistles ] [ car horn honks ] [ bird chirps ] adam: brooke! hi-i. is it yours? is it mine?fuck, yeah, it's mine! it's very you.
come on. let's go.we're gonna celebrate. [ imitating dog owner ]come on! [ whistles ]come here! come on! [ whistles ] are you calling melike a dog? come here -- what?huh? adam:who did that? you want me to saysomething to him? i'll say somethingto him.
okay, so i've seenthe stripping. yep. tell me aboutbeing an entrepreneur. it's [french accent]"entrepreneur", actually. oh, of course.of course it is. yeah, it's, it's french.it's french. no, but you knowabout the roofing, i got a mobile detailing thingon the side, but the whole, you know, endgameis the custom furniture...
businessthat i'm tryin' to start. custom furniture? so you -- are -- you must bereally good with your hands. i did not say that... yes. i did. but i'm, i'm really gladthat you made that point. good, good one on me.good one on me. it's very insightful,actually. yeah. that's a lot of stuff.
yes. it is. so if you couldwake up and do the one thing that'd make youthe happiest every morning... the happiest? yeah, money aside...you know. money aside, i would wake up...on the beach somewhere, just makin' stuffevery single day. i would.mm-hm. like, tables and chairs,that kind of thing?
yeah, whatever.anything. everything. just -- but custom,one-of-a-kind stuff. i, you know --not the knock-off stuff that you see in people'skitchens from time to time. hey! hey! i'm just...just sayin'. i don't have a custom furnituremaker man. well, now you do. [ laughing ] okay.
so are you in business?why aren't you in -- i will be, as soon as,as soon as the banks start makingthe competitive rates and... ...loans and,eh, i, y-, i will. look, i've been savin'for six years. i mean, why do youthink i'm doin' all these stupidbusinesses with --[inhales] and stripping. it's just -- i don't know. i've saved thirteen...about thirteen grand.
it's gonna happeneventually. wow. thirteen -- that's a,that's...that's a lot of ones. [ chuckles ] there weresome fives...in there. oh, okay.no twenties? oh, you don't want to knowwhat i have to do for twenties. you know what?i don't. yeah. you know what?let's drink these and i'll show youwhat i do for twenties. you -- no, that's...that's [laughing] okay.
so, miami, huh? i don't like it. don't be mad. no. stop. i'm not mad. i -- well...i, i'm not tryingto tell him what to do. i just don't like it. did you just -- i, i, i just want to, i justwant to...clear somethin' up.
did you just takemy advice? you're not -- by what? by not telling himwhat to do? no, i just don't havea choice. you don't have --i'm, i'm just saying i think that was somethingi...mighta said to you. what,do you want some credit? are we fighting?
is -- [ laughs ] is this our first fight? come on.let's make up. oh, no. i don't like bein' madat you. oh, no,look at that face. i really don't likebein' mad at you. you guys are gonna have funin miami. just try not to forgetabout the normal people.
you know? like the peoplewho exist in the daylight. the non-vampires. right. right.oh, so you're not a vampire? no, i'm not a vampire. well, this is not gonna work outat all between you and i. i, i -- thing for vampires? got a bit of a thing. you want to get somethin'to eat sometime?
i don't know,just like get some food? what do you mean,like a date? no, that's not -- if you don'twant to call it that, no. oh, i don't know. why? 'cause of...what's-his-namethat moved to orlando? paul? paul. yeah. and paul and iare figuring things out. paul. mm-hm.
how's that[chuckling] going? are you gonna weigh inon that, too? plus... i don't exactly sport-fuckmy brother's... stripper friends,so...you know. i'm sorry, who said anythingabout that? i was just talkin'about talking... and being friends...or something. i... well, if you want to talk,my door is always open, mike.
got it. you tryin' to hiton my sister? no. i'm sorry,and if i was... what the hell you gonna doabout it? whoa, brother. not me. her. oh, my god. come on,let's do one more.
one more, come on. no, dude.i would love to, but we can't. come on, one more. you get dallas's text? we got a sorority tonightin, like, a half hour. a sorority? yeah. five hundred bones...to rub our nuts... oh, no. adam! i ate a kappa.
...on some girl's chest. i see what'shappening here. i ate a kappajust like this. i ate a kappa!i ate a kappa! you guys... you guys are really --have a great time. i love you. have a great time. come on, we gotta stopfighting like this!
we gotta stop fighting. just find your own way back!i got the keys, right? brooke --you do not have the keys. i -- oh, shit,you do have the keys. i have the keys! you got -- she's got the keys.we gotta go. [ vegas audio ninjas'"mo cash!" plays ] good evening. you live here?
yeah?what's your name? kim. kim, can you move backfor me, please? we keep getting complaintsof noise and underage drinking. gentlemen?everybody's twenty-one here? yeah, i might need to checksome i.d.'s, unfortunately. can you accompany mein here, please? ladies,everybody's twenty-one here? yes?
she is definitely nottwenty-one, i'm sorry. what's your birthday? uh, may twentieth,nineteen... nineteen-- yeah,that's what i thought. put your hands on the wall. everybody sit down!we're gonna be here for a while. and can you please spreadyour legs for me, ma'am? you don't haveanything sharp on you that i can stick myself with,do you?
good. 'cause i do. [ volume increases, fabric rips,women scream excitedly ] [ screaming continues ] [ music and screaming continue ] [ beth thornley's"wash u clean" plays ] ♪ you run it rich,that carburetor ♪ ♪ you gotta open,open that choke ♪ ♪ 'cause when you're here,the air it won't clear ♪
♪ 'cause you're just blowin',just blowin' smoke ♪ ♪ you got a blue feather birdon a golden swing ♪ ♪ it wears a ruby-tipped crownbut it don't sing ♪ ♪ you keep bringin' me giftslike it ain't no thing ♪ ♪ but i thoughtyou said goodbye ♪ ♪ i thought you let, let thatbird fly -- there it goes ♪ ♪ baby, i can't wash you clean ♪ ♪ you got a match,well, i got the gasoline ♪ ♪ baby, redemption ain't free ♪
hey, no shit, man.let's do it. hey! you give some ecstasyto my girl? i said...you give some ecstasyto my chick? hey, fuck off. okay. cool. [ glass shatters ] [ women screaming ] [ men grunting ]
hey, back the fuck up!we gotta go! let's go! adam, let's go!back the fuck up! [ woman screams ] let's go! let's go!! what the fuckare you doin', man?! what the fuckare you doin' givin' pills to girlsthat you don't know?! shit, man! you're lucky that we gotoutta there, bro.
dude, my fucking backpack.we have to go back. fuck your backpack!we're not goin' back there. no, you don't understand.it has my fuckin' pills in it! fuck your pills. you're justgonna have to eat it. dude, tobias fronted mefuckin' pills 'cause we were gonna sell themon for some extra cash. what the fuck are you doin'takin' pills... i need to go back. on a front fromtobias? why is he givin'you pills? how many?
i don't -- [snorts] [laughing]i mean, i don't know, man. fuckin'...like a hundred? like a hundred or a hundred?that's a grand. you're gonna have to payevery single one of those back. fff-fuck, dude.fuck that. guess what. what do you mean,fuck that? i got that equity, baby. equi-- what?! dallas gave me that cutin miami.
whoo! [ chuckles ] i don't even fucking careabout a fucking grand. who cares?[ inhales sharply ] fuck! damn, that was crazy shit! [ chuckles ] fuck. [ metal clinks ] adam:you bailing on me? mike:nope, not at all. oh, my god!
i thought you --[ smooches ] i thought you, like, wereoutta town, like forever. i -- yeah, i decided to stay...in town. great!what's up, man? mike. ryan. nice to meet you, sir. uhh...ryan... um, is my...fiancã©. are you f-, are you fuckin'with me right now?
i'm gonna go hitthe bathroom. tch. oh... no. you guys sound likeyou got a lot to talk about. it's, it's really timefor me to go stare in themirror anyway, so... is it? nice meeting ya. see you, babe. [ scoffs ] hm. okay.
uh, all right,i'm not exactly... it's good to see you. dallas: well, lookie herewhat the cat dragged in. tobias:coã‘o, what happened? uhh...it was,it was nothin'. it was fucked up.sorry. "it was fucked up"?"sorry"? that's all you gotto say? i don't know.you really want to discuss it?
i take ityou didn't collect. yeah, i'm sorry. i forgot to ask...you know,for the money as they were throwin'beer bottles at our heads. you know, it's aboutthe last fuckin' thing i needfor my reputation... before we makethe big move, mike. i'm sorry. are we fuckingyour reputation up? 'cause the last timei checked,
i think it's...the kid and i'sreputation that's... "making the big move" for you,isn't it? what the fuckdid you say, buddy? i don't know, i thinkyou were standing sixfeet away from me. i think you heard me. hey, you might want to checkyourself, old friend. nobody walks on wateron my team. except for you, right? old friend.
ahhhh. what you thinking about? bitin' the hand that feeds you,big dog? you don't fuckin' feed me,dallas. i can walk right outthat door. right now. and do a fuck of a lot betterthan seven and a half percent. i'm sorry,that used to be ten. but you don't.
you didn't. and you won't. because you can't. i can't? okay. so you gotta deal...with what you got. tobias:hey, what's goin' on? that pack you gave me? mm. lookit. it's gone.
that's great. you want me to get yousome more? dallas:big bash comin' up this weekend. no.it's gone gone. you lost it? ...and the kid... sorry, man. ...to act like the professionalsthat i trained you to be. fuck sorry.you gotta take care of this.
dude, we'll figure it out.it's fine, man. oh, no...you need to figure it out. you need to figure -- get the fuck off me! seniority don't mean shitaround here, man. you are worth the cash you pryoutta their fuckin' purses. and you know that betterthan anybody. you want a bigger piece? come up with somefresher shit, man.
you're not gettin'any younger. [ rhythmic clapping ] what the fuckare you doin'? i need you doin' the sailorroutine tonight, man. i got four tablesof navy wives stageside. get changed. i'm takin' your advice.bringin' you some fresher shit. seein' as i'm gettin' equityand all. [ gears cranking, pumping ]
[ air whooshing ] [ techno music playing ] [ cheering continues ] perfect date time.it's date time. it's time for you to tell me,richie. richie: okay, little brother.what? you -- give methe astronaut thing. no, i met this guy...and he... ken: got 'em goin'out there, mike.
good job, man. so he's met just aboutevery single russian and american astronautthat's ever been in outer space, living or dead. dallas: we're gonna needa little bit of your help to get him out here,all right? so...the first manin outer space. russian. tarzan: right.
yuri gagarin. yeah, cosmonaut. he's the second one.the first one died on reentry. yeah, we're gonna get fucked uptonight, right? dallas: here we go! ♪ ♪ [ banging on door,muffled music continues ] brooke: open up! [ banging continues ]
♪ can somebody tell me ♪ ♪ how to not becomea victim of society? ♪ all right! hold on! ♪ all my life ♪ ♪ i tried to not becomea simple victim of society ♪ you have fun last night? did you have funlast night? yeah.uh, what's up? is adam here?
he, he left me a coupleweird-sounding voice messages and...um...sounded all fucked up, and now i can't reach him. yeah, he's in here. [ music continues ] where is he? uh, he should beupstairs. he's with somebody,though, so...you know,
i'd...call out. kid! [ music stops ] adam? adam! adam! what? fuck! adam! yo, hey! hey!come here! adam, wake up.
come on...just --adam, adam, get up. look, stop!he's fine, he's breathing. oh, my god, adam! hey, come on. what the fuck did he take?! i don't know, dude.uh, probably just some g. adam, wake up! what the fuck did you doto my brother?! relax.
yo! brooke! chill out! what did he take?! he's breathing!he's fine! stay the fuck off me, mike! whoa! whoa! get the fuck off me!i'll fucking kill you! i know! whoa! i will fucking kill you! he's gonna be[chuckling] fine.
he's not okay!!! just calm down. no, shut up! shut up!!! we fucked up, and he -- shut up!!! i see you, mike,i fucking see you. you think you have your shitall figured out, and everyone all figured out,but i fucking see you! you just need to relax.you're acting fuckin' crazy.
no, mike! and i get it.your little broth-- you are a bullshit,thirty-year-old male stripper!! [ panting ] how 'boutjust get the fuck out? oh, no problem. done.adam, come on. let's go. adam, wake the fuck up.adam, please. adam, let's go![ sobbing ] come on, adam. adam, god!
adam, wake up!adam, we gotta go! stop.just let me -- no, mike,this is my brother! brooke... no! let me...please carry him out. oh, yes,carry him, fine... stop. [ sobbing ]
i can't do this anymore,adam. you hear me? tobias:come on, let's go! [ crash ] you guys needto stop already. [ clattering ] motherfucker!!! [ clatter ] [ grunting ]
tobias: hey!get off of him! hey! [ grunting ]fuck off. i'm so sorry.i'm sorry, primo. sorry?fuck you, man! what the fuck are you doin'breakin' into my house, tobias?! i tried callingyour cell, man. my cell?fuck my cell! what, what are youfucking doin', man?! listen, i told 'emnot to break shit, man,
but they don't workfor me. they don't work for me! that did a good job,didn't it? look, man, i'm sorry.we're looking for the kid. okay?we're looking for the kid. you -- and soyou brought 'em here. look. what the fuck are you lookin'for him for? he's late on his front,man, okay?
and as you can see,he was due today. it was a hundred pills!a hundred pills. that's a thousand bucks. i think he's good for that,don't you? no, no, no, no,no, no, no. is that what he told you?a hundred? we went in on a whole pack,hombre. a whole pack. okay, fuck.well, what's his half? ten grand.
how the f-- li-, listen. i don't knowif he lost it... or if he's just beinga fuckin' kid. either wayit doesn't matter anymore. look, you got to -- well, what is, what am i -- i don't know,i can...maybe sign over the van until he can figure outsomethin' out.
fuck, i don't know, man. come on, primo...the guys i'm rollin' with... they ain't aboutfuckin' paperwork, man. â¿t㺠sabes? you know, primo,if you want i can talk to my guys and we cantry to get him another day. and what the fuck would that do?he doesn't have it. hey, look. i just hate to seeyou doing this. just don't give himany more shit to sell.
nah, that's fine.it's just that, you know, he's starting to actlike a real punk. i think one of usshould talk to him. well, you've done enough,haven't you? i'll talk to him.it's fine. [ door opens, closes ] [ footsteps ] look, i'm lookin' for adam.he's not pickin' up his phone. is he all right?
yeah, he's okay. i mean...he doesn't livehere anymore. i'm not sure.i think he's with nora. okay, cool. just, uhh...let him know that i'm lookin' for himif you see him. oh! this is --this is so much bullshit. you know that, right? this is really howwe're gonna end this?
are you fuckin' serious? i mean, i said everythingi needed to say and... you had a lotto say yesterday. you don't have anythingelse to say you wantto add onto that? you damn sure didn't let metalk, so let me talk now. i'm sorry!i'm sorry that i fucked it up. i didn't mean to do that.all right? i didn't, i didn't wantto fuck it up. i promised you thati would take care of him,
and i didn't,and i'm sorry about that. you're the last personthat i -- yeah,i...believe you and... i know you're basicallya good person. it -- adam was... ...gonna do whateveradam wanted to do. i just can't be aroundyour lifestyle...and... you can't be around my --that -- i'm not my lifestyle! that's whoyou think of the --
that isn't fuckin' -- wh--[ sighs ] i'm not a -- that --am i magic -- wh --am, am i ma-- [ chuckles ] am i magic mike right nowtalking to you? i'm not my goddamn job!all right? that's not who --that's not what i -- that's not what i...do.that's not me. or it is, is what i do,but it's not who i am. i'm not just -- that's why i wantto go to miami,
because i don't want to fuckin'be some forty-year-old stripper! i want to own something!i want to actually -- i've been tryin' to fuckin', this whole time,tryin' to -- [ sighs ] so you don't believeanything i'm s-, i'm...uh,that i've said to you? you don't, eh--right now. nothin'...i'm just --you don't believe any of it. mike, i think the question is,do you believe it?
i just think that miamiis gonna be a... bigger, badder versionof this. but goo-, good luck to you! if you believe it,good luck to you. and adam, too. but i'm gonna be here. [ paul allen's "divine"playing ] i, uh...i want to saythank you...about the money. i know how much that shitmeant to you.
especially'cause of that... furniture crapyou wanted to do. i, uh... i'm gonna pay you backevery last cent. i want you to know that,you know. all right. [ sighs ] look, man, we're gonna look backin twenty years. you're gonna be dead,probably, but...i can look backin twenty years
and look at the shit that...that we've done together, man. fuck! look where i wasthree months ago. three months ago! look at where i am now. i can't thank you enough. fuck, man.i was nowhere. i have...money. i can fuckwho i want to fuck.
i have freedom...thanks to you. and i'm havinga fucking ball. and we're gonna havea fucking ball...in miami, man. so can you smile?can you look at me? i only haveone thing to say. and that is to... my best friend. a guy who hasgiven me more... in this lifetimethan i could ever ask for.
and to bright futures. [ guitar strumming ] dallas:♪ ladies of tampaaaa ♪ ♪ the first time that you everwalked into my life ♪ [ cheering ] ♪ in oh-so-many waysyou all became my wife ♪ ♪ ladies, yeah,i'm talking to you ♪ ♪ ladies of tampa ♪ [ crowd whooping ]
♪ even though we gotta go ♪ ♪ there's one thingyou gotta know ♪ ♪ ain't no matter how muchyou love me for sure ♪ ♪ oooooooh ♪ ♪ i'll always love you more ♪ ♪ i'll always love you morethan you know ♪ ♪ you got me tied to a chain ♪ ♪ i'm just a slaveto your soul ♪ ♪ and there ain't nothin'i can do about it ♪
♪ that's fo' sho'! ♪ [ cheering and whooping ] ♪ ahhhh... ♪ [ kiss'"calling dr. love" plays ] ♪ you need my love, baby,oh so bad ♪ ♪ you're not the only onei've ever had ♪ ♪ and if i sayi want to set you free ♪ ♪ don't you knowyou'll be in misery? ♪ richie:i could be a friend to you.
what about romance, man? yeah, hit 'em withthe long arm of love, baby. that's gotta count at leastfor somethin'. my good friend andy. tarzan: i'm just sayingyou always put up a fight. tito:i know what we could do... "anaconda, part three." adam: wait, hey, hey!what about, what about -- ♪ and even thoughi'm full of sin ♪
♪ in the end you'll let me in ♪ ♪ you'll let me through,there's nothin' you can do ♪ ♪ you need my lovin',don't you know it's true? ♪ ♪ so, baby,please get on your knees ♪ ♪ there are no bills,there are no fees ♪ ♪ baby, i knowwhat your problem is ♪ ♪ the first step of the cureis a kiss ♪ [ light laughter ] ♪ so call me doctor love ♪
♪ they call me doctor love ♪ ♪ i am your doctor of love! ♪ ♪ they call me ♪ ♪ i've got the cureyou're thinking of ♪ ♪ doctor love ♪ ♪ they call me -- ♪ whoooo! motherfucker! dallas be ridin' again! whoooo!
it's a fuckin' revival!ho! hot damn! it feels good to be backon that fuckin' horse again. tito:that was the old stuff. ohh, shi-yaaaat! still got it! all right, y'all readyto rock a little andfuckin' rein 'em in? tarzan:close this baby out! where's mike?
look at this. he's gone. mikey?! he went back thereto take a piss, man. he should be backany second. mikey's gone. what do you mean he's gone? i thought he was gonna gotake a piss, and he went outthe back door.
hey, mike, yo!let's go, we're up! [ chuckling ]he's comin' back, man. all right... come here. [ smack ] you ready to be the man? i've been waitin' for -- are you readyto be the man? yes, i'm...i'm ready.
i've been waitin' for thisfor a long time. it's all yours.come here. [ grunts loudly ] starting right fuckin' now.let's make it fuckin' count. all the way.let's go! kid's in...mike's out. let's bring this motherfuckerdown all the way to miami. let's go! hey! dallas:all right, ladies.
so...we know we made fire! we know we got fire,now we gotta make it rain. can you make it rain, ladies?can you make it rain? let's give it up forthe last time on this stage! the one, the only,your very own -- the cock-rocking kings of tampa. [ countrã© black's"it's raining men" plays ] what are you doing here? aren't you supposedto be at the show?
ca-, can i, uh...um... i just need to,need to talk. yeah, okay. come on in. umm... look, i, uh, i just came byto get so-, um -- look, mike...before you say anything... i just need youto know that... when you came by this morning,adam hadn't told me...
what you did for him. and that, that w-, that wasreally...a lot of money. and you d-,you did not have to do that. look, i didn't do itfor him. i -- look, that's not,that's not even why i came by. i just --[ inhales deeply ] [ exhales sharply ] um...look,i'm not goin' to miami. yeah.i think you're right. i'm...i'm done.
what are you gonna do? [ snorts ] i don't know.i guess i need a new plan. do you want to...get some foodand talk about it? what,like a...like a date? w-well... uh, what wouldtall paul say, huh? tall paul can't...sayanything...anymore. i broke up with him. he didn't likebreakfast food?
not as much as i do. uh, this is a good thing. in that case, i would loveto get some breakfast. mm, let's go getsomethin' to eat. the thing is, is... my f-, i...i only go to one place. it's my favorite place. they havethe best omelettes. they know my order.
i walk in, the food'sbasically on the table. i know they'dhelp you out, too. get some waffles for you. pancakes.whatever you want. i love waffles.let's go there. well, the problem is it doesn'topen till six a.m. that's like seven hoursfrom now. what could we dowith seven hours? [ foreigner's "feels likethe first time" plays ]
♪ i would climb any mountain ♪ ♪ sail across a stormy sea ♪ ♪ if that's what it takes me,baby ♪ ♪ to show how muchyou mean to me ♪ ♪ and i guessit's just the woman in you ♪ ♪ that brings out the manin me ♪ ♪ i know i can't help myself ♪ ♪ ooh ♪ ♪ you're all in the worldto me ♪
♪ it feels like the first time ♪ ♪ i have waited a lifetime ♪ ♪ spent my time so foolishly ♪ ♪ but now that i've found you ♪ ♪ together we'll make history ♪ ♪ and i know it must bethe woman in you ♪ ♪ you're all my eyes can see ♪ ♪ and it feels likethe first time ♪ ♪ like it never did before ♪
♪ feels like the first time ♪ ♪ like we've opened upthe door ♪ ♪ like it never will agaaaaain ♪ ♪ never again ♪ ♪ don't you know it feels ♪ ♪ yeah, it feels likethe first time ♪ ♪ open up the door ♪ ♪ won't you open up the door? ♪ ♪ it feels likethe first time... ♪
♪ feels like the very... ♪ [ guitar strums ] dallas:♪ ladies of miamiii ♪ ♪ and before we startthe show ♪ ♪ there's one thingyou've gotta know ♪ ♪ ooooooh ♪ ♪ that's fo' sho' ♪ ♪ ladies of miami ♪ ♪ yeah, just wait and seewhat we gonna do ♪
[ chuckling ] hm-hm-hm-hm-hm. will you please welcome to thestage the cock-rocking kings... of miami.