About : furniture for less tv stands
Title : furniture for less tv stands
furniture for less tv stands
(elevator bell dingsin distance) (rustling) (latch clacks, lock beeps) where you going? (moaning) (panting) wait, wait, wait,wait, wait, wait. what? sorry, sorry, sorry. you're right, you're right.
we barely know each other. maybe we should havea-a drink and talk? actually... (panting) my zipper just gotcaught on my necklace, but if you want to talk,we totally can. sure. oh. okay, great. or we can talk after.
yeah. ♪ i want a ♪ ♪ sunday kind of love ♪ ♪ a love to last ♪ ♪ past saturday night ♪ ♪ and i'd like to know ♪ ♪ it's more than loveat first sight ♪ ♪ and i want a sundaykind of love ♪ ♪ oh, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ i want a,a love that's on the square ♪ ♪ can't seem to find somebody ♪ ♪ someone to care ♪ ♪ and i'm on a lonely road ♪ ♪ that leads to nowhere ♪ ♪ oh, and i want a sunday ♪ ♪ kind of love ♪ ♪ oh, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ i don't want a monday ♪
♪ tuesday or wednesday ♪ ♪ or thursday ♪ ♪ friday or saturday ♪ ♪ oh, nothing but sunday ♪ ♪ i want a sunday, sunday ♪ ♪ i want a sundaykind of love ♪ ♪ oh, yeah ♪ ♪ sunday, sunday, sunday ♪ ♪ kind of love. ♪
come on. no. just let me tag alongfor a drink. you said i'd like him. it's too soon. yes, it is.once you meet my dad, and i meet your friends,they become a part of this, and i just-just want to stayin our bubble just a little longer.
it's been eight weeks. you keeping track? happy anniversary. i saw it, and i... and i thought of you. open it. (chuckles) (alarm beeping) woman:good morning.
(groans) why do i schedulebreakfast meetings? mostly for the bacon, i think. but you need to lay off of that until we get yourcholesterol down. why not try turkey? screw turkey. i like pig. okay, well, i hearda story on the news
about a guy who ate anundercooked pork chop, mm-hmm. and he ended up with a worm that made his brainswell up super-fast... uh-huh. ...and then,to relieve the pressure, they had to cut out a chunk of his skull.
oh, wow. like, a triangleof his skull, they cut it rightout of his head, and they had toimplant it in his groin so that it wouldn't die... otherwise, his brain would'veliterally, like, just... he would, like,his head would've exploded. like, it would... 'cause the skull was holding
his brain, which was swelling,and his head would've just... exploded. i don't know. just think of thatnext time you eat pig bacon. i will. here you go. oh, thanks, sweetie. (dog barking) aah!
(gasps) (coffee splashes) thunder! he's got to get trained, kate. i know. i'm taking himto obedience school today. good. oh, and we need a check because the painter'scoming today, too. reminds me, i need youto sign these, honey.
what are they? oh, just some stufffor the accountant. i don't evenunderstand this. well... i can't evenread these anymore. you don't have to. i already read it for us. you just have to sign. no, i reallydon't understand this.
like, i feel like i need to goto brain camp or something. what? like, a brain camp. you know, where they make you doexercises for your brain. you know, when peoplewho have lazy eyes go and get their eyesworked out, so that they don't haveto wear glasses anymore. they should have thatfor your brain.
like a brain camp.no, really. and you could go, and you layon a beach and get tan and drink gingko balboa all day, and then you come back,and you're super smart. it's gingko biloba. balboa was rocky. right. see? see? that's why i needto go to brain camp.
(elevator bell dings) any messages? i don't think so. but i've kind of beenin the zone here. you weren't gonna mention these? why would i needto mention them? they're the first thingsyou see. micromacks? i thought that dave cohenwas handling this merger.
no. the client saidhe was too emotional. they wanted a ruthlesslaw robot, so... micromacks. all right,get dave on the phone. i'm gonna need all materials, and i want to set updates for deposition. i don't know whyyou work so hard. the best part about being prettyis that you don't have to. i mean, you don't see me walkingaround here
worrying about my job, do you? unfortunately, no. that's becausei have a stan, okay? he works. i come here because it's like having a hobbythat pays well. hmm. oh, and by the way, your dad called to confirm
that you and he were still onfor drinks with mark. who's mark? he's the guy i'm seeing. obviously, but which one? the only one. there's one guy? and you're calling him "mark"? you never use their names. what happened to model man boyand dr. not-so-smart?
gone. and the hot rabbi? and the hot rabbi's hot cousin? cut 'em loose. you cleared the whole roster. i cleared the bench. wow. you haven't dated just one guyin a long time. it's not that big of a deal.
it's very new. okay, okay. no-no jinxies. i get it. i mean, it's good that markdoesn't have a nickname, though. it means he's still viable. you haven't rejected him yet. he's not a donor kidney. that's not the organi was thinking of. (phone ringing)
hello? hi. red or white? red or white? red or white what? (over phone):wine! you didn't forget, did you? forget what? dinner with phil. oh, yeah, but you told methat was next week. no, i said it wasnext week last week,
which means it's this week. i'm sorry, honey. tonight's not good;i gotta work. what? again? but this is the third nightthis week. the guys on the canadian dealwant to do dinner, so i'm just gonna stayin the city tonight. you know what? why don't i meet youafter your meeting?
i'll drive into meet you in the city, and i'll be there for youafter your meeting. oh, no, no, no, no,you don't want to do that. that... i mean,it's sweet of you, but... i don't mind.we could have so much fun. we'll go to that littlehot chocolate place in the morning, and we canjust cuddle and sleep in. that sounds so nice. screw it, i'm coming home.
really? really. aw! family comes first, okay? yay! i'll see you when i get back. i'm gonna make steak and salad and then... (phone beeps off)
shit. mark:wow, look at you. carly:hey. how are you? not too great, baby. oh, what's wrong? the housekeeper called. a pipe burst in the bathroom;i gotta go handle it. oh, no.
you're goingto connecticut now? i gotta; there's two feetof water in my basement. do you want me to go with you?that'll be fun. it's fine.you-you go see your dad. well, i'll just see if he cando drinks tomorrow night. i won't be backtomorrow night. and what about meeting my dad? i'm sorry, baby,i gotta take a rain check. yeah, that's okay.
well, don't be mad. i'm not being anything. what do you want me to do? i want youto go to connecticut. yeah, really. all right. call me when you'redone being pissed. that might be a while. (car revs, tires screech)
man:great! that sounds good. (indistinct chatter,music playing) dad:hi, hon. (grunts) here, you want this? oh, yes. i'm switching to vodka. (coughs) who orders gin?
uh, well,i couldn't read the menu because i left my glassesat nina's. want to know who nina is? not really. indian girl. beautiful. very soft skin. we met a trader joe's, and she told meabout this naan bread.
when did you starteating naan? she's 24 and a dance major. i eat anything she tells me to. ew. where's your guy? i think we just broke up. how come? a pipe burst athis house, and he went backto connecticut.
and is there a partof this story where he acts like a jerk? it's the way he handled it. you're just being paranoid. no, i'm telling you. something feels off, and when i get this feeling, i'm usually always right. oh, please.
every relationshipi've ever had, something felt off. well, that's probably why you're wrapping updivorce number five with one of my sorority sisters. you really like this guy, huh? so forget about all the bullshitand go surprise him. it's not bullshit. it is.
put on something sexy, get your assout to connecticut, and fix thatyoung man's plumbing. ♪ ♪ ♪ close the door ♪ ♪ turn the light off,switch your mind off ♪ ♪ make it right for me ♪ ♪ pull the blind down,try to wind down ♪ ♪ take the liberty ♪
(sighs) don't worry.you look good. thanks. he'll love it. who? whoever. thanks for the ride. you need me to wait? no, i think i got it.
♪ we're gonna feel alive ♪ ♪ come and give me your love ♪ ♪ give your love,we're gonna feel alive ♪ (doorbell rings) (knocking) ♪ give me your love ♪ ♪ come and give me your love,give me your love... ♪ hi. i'm... looking for mark.
oh. what's this about? i'm carly. you must be his housekeeper. no, i'm his wife kate. (music stops) (owl hooting) is this some kindof stripper-gram or something? no. no. you know,i have the wrong address.
i'm lookingfor a different mark. mark kink. mark king? no, no, no, no, no.no, it's... do you know--he's the short guy, bald, uh, lives a couple streets over, one or two streets over,on clark. there is no clark street. anyway, i-i...
(screams) oh, my god! (groans)shit. um, i'll send you a checkfor your urn. (urn shards clatter underfoot) can't forget this. (music resumes) (grunting) what happened?
it's got to besomething big. you were crazy about himtwo days ago. and it can't be the sex,because you were a lot nicer and your hair wasway more shiny. he's got a wife, okay?he's married. and you don't thinkyou can take her? that's not the point.i don't do married guys. i don't need to wrecksomeone's home for a date. not always a wreck.
stan and i were marriedwhen we met. we weren't happy.now we are. you wrecked two marriages. first of all, one of themwas mine, so that doesn't count. second of all, stan's wife was a fat canadian with no sexual charisma. that marriage was doomedfrom the beginning. it doesn't even countas cheating.
i don't thinkthat's how it works. all i'm saying is that i think married guys would be the perfect fitfor you. i mean, mark was able to leada whole other life without you even noticing. i think you need someonewith something that's gonna keep them busy. not a wife!
i don't do this. i'm too old for this shit. i've been dating for decades. i'm over it.i don't need this anymore. okay. somebody's being negative. i'm gonna go. but i'll tell youwhat my mother told me, and these are words to live by: "selfish people
live longer." i'm just saying. (distant siren wailing) (intercom beeps) receptionist: miss whitten? yeah? there's someone here to see you. kate king. hey.
i'm kate. i met you on friday. yeah, i remember. sorry about your urn. what are you doing here? um, well, i found your numberin my husband's phone. um... well, actually, the phone bill. i saw the... 'cause i couldn't crack the codeon his password,
which is fitting, becauseobviously i don't know anything that's going on in his life. but, um, anyhow, so i'm here. um, i thought maybewe could talk? no, we can't. if you have any questionsabout your husband, you should ask him. oh, well, well, i would, but i'm pretty surehe's lying to me
and sleeping with you.(snickers) so... am i right? you're sleepingwith my husband? sorry, i had no idea, i swear. could you please keep it down? oh, gosh. okay. oh... oh...
whoo... i did not expect this at all. i thought that i wouldcome down here and you would tell methat i was crazy. i did not think that i would be right do you...? (chuckles) at all.
i mean, maybe a little. in that too horrible to be true kind of way. you know, when you saythe awful thing so that the awful thingdoesn't happen thing? whoo... oh... does this, um... does this open? this window? anywhere?
this... there's got to be a... little latch or something. does this window open? no, it doesn'tand for good reason. if you're having a panic attack, you should go outsideand get some fresh air. you're gonna be fine. i'm gonna just lay down for a minute.
are you sure this windowdoesn't open? no, and you'regonna be fine. listen... this window. just... just open it a little.crack it. just crack it. if you don't mind... 'cause the br... air. it's hot in here.
just crack the window. okay, i'll tellyou anything you want to knowif you just get up and leave. anything? anything. (panting): okay.here, help me up. (exhales) so, how long have you and my husbandbeen seeing each other?
i don't know; a couple months. so when... did youjust start sleeping together? well, we were gonna tryto hold off for prom, but we kind of got carried away. we're adults. we had sex. i really don't thinkthat the details matter. the details do matterbecause there's a difference between having sex one time and having sex ten times.
oh, my god. did you do itmore than ten times? i think specificsare a bad idea. okay, fine. gun to my head, fifty. 50 times?! (whispering):jesus christ. just...
you had sex with my husband50 times? don't you have a job? or hobbies? what is wrong with you? does this mean he's not trainingfor the marathon? yeah, no. this is not okay. i am part of team king. i quit my job so thatwe could focus on his job.
i put off having kids because he wasn't ready. i went to china. do you have any idea how far away china is? and it's not allhong kong either. lots of pollution. so what do i do now? so i'm, now i'm barb melman?
barb melman got divorcedand now she has cheek implants and lives in a condo in norwalk and has to go on dates. i am not equipped to go on dates. the last time i was single,i was 24 and the dating poolwas everyone. and now it's likea shallow puddle of age-appropriate men
who are old and gross and i don't want to do that. i know that you thinkthat it's that bad, but honestly, it's a lot worse. you know why? because evenif you meet a nice guy-- and when i mean "nice," i mean that he's, like,not an obvious sociopath--
you can't even actuallyget excited about it. because it's justa matter of time before someone getsbored and unhappy and is saying that it's over, and that's a happy ending. a shitty ending is thatthere's lying and cheating and you ambush prince charming's wife. so you're sayingi should stay with him?
i'm saying thateverything fails eventually, and monogamy is not natural. if you can live with that, like the french,then go ahead and stay put, but if you can't, then i suggestthat you get a game plan and you leave. but what about the people who tryto work it out? maybe that would be an option.
cheaters don't change. and if you work it out, he's just gonna do it again, and you're gonna end upright back where you started, wishing that you had leftthe first time around. but that's just me. he's your husband. what does yourgut tell you? (retching)
jesus christ. that was just a burp. (vomiting) can-can i get some napkins? that was throw-up. (laughter) carly: okay, okay. (kate squeals) carly: oh, my god.
come on, let'sget in the car. let's get in the car.come on, come on, come on. (kate laughing hysterically) carly:okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. bye! see you later. where are you going? bye. see you,see you later. bye. i'm gonna go. this is a bag full of vomit.
wait, no. it's not my first. okay, so... come on, let's get youinto the car. let's get into the...okay. okay, that's enough.okay. no, don't go just yet. just one kiss. one kiss and good-bye.one kiss and good-bye.
okay, that was it. (engine starts) okay, let's go. all right, let'sget into the car. be very careful.careful. no, i don't want to go. just put your foot down. please, please go. no, no, no, no.
okay, all right.let me just... wait a second. (kate grunting) how are you doing that? (kate moans) how are you...okay. this way. let's go this way. there you go. all right,let me get you over.
it's a step down. step down, step down. okay, there you go. you got it.there you go. ow. driver: it's really nicewhat you're doing for her. yeah, that's me. mistress of the year. okay, fernando, go, go, go.
best night ever! ever! bye-bye! (kate whooping, laughing) yes! holy shit. call me! that is so weird. woman: my husbandlikes this pasta.
woman 2:milk? my husband prefers goat. my husband likesa meaty sauce. (overlapping women's voices) (women speaking french) (speaking french) ...doing the bensondepo on tuesday, but if we want it on video, i need to geta different court reporter.
(whispers): yes? kate king is at security. woman: i've got twoexpert witnesses lined up forthe turner trial, um, but i'm working ongetting a third in case we need backup. excuse me. what's up, leonard? hey, miss whitten.
ray charles over hereis trying pass herself off as a blind woman, so she can get upstairswith her dog, to see you. oh, no, i didn't. yes. no, i didn't.no, i didn't. i'll take all this... i'm wearing these glassesbecause i look like shit. he saw the dog and drewhis own conclusions.
listen, can you justcome over here, please? that did not happen,by the way. and if i was ray charles, okay, just get over here. i would actually be blind, and need this dog, sothanks for making no sense. okay, can you just pleasecome over here for a second? what is going on? i'm not french.
i-i had a littleedith piaf moment, but the idea of worryingabout white shirts and thin turkey and all of that while pretending not to knowabout his whores is really, like,throwing me into, like, an all-american rage. and, um, not thatyou're a whore. you're not a whore. okay, turn around.
but you know what i mean. turn around. but you're not a whore. let's go outside. i'm assumingthat you came here because you thinkthat we're friends and that i care about yourproblems, but guess what? i don't, okay? i don't care about you or markor your marriage or your dog
or anything in between. if edith piaf risesout of the grave, and you have a threesome,i don't flipping care. i just wanted to keep youin the loop. i want out of the loop.take me out. that's the whole point. okay? thank you! come on, thunder.
(doorbell ringing repeatedly) (gasps)oh, sorry. uh, it's me. d-don't be mad. um, i just...i-i just want to talk. i thought maybe we could havesome dinner. how do you know where i live? um, we followed you home, but, um, i didn't wantto show up empty-handed,
so i brought some food. some food is right here. how did you getinto my building? we waited for someone to leave and then we snuck in. what is your deal? do you not gethow weird this is? i just thought we...maybe we could talk, because, um, i, um,
(gasping):because... (crying): ...because my wholeworld just blew up, and i don't have a job, and i have no money of my own,and i honestly do not know what i'm gonna do at all, and i have no friends to talk to because all of my friendsare mark's friends, and they'll blab,
and you are literallythe only person in the whole worldwho knows what's happening besides me, and if i keeptalking to myself about it, i'm gonna go crazy. for real. like, really. i can't talk to youuntil you stop crying. (muffled crying)
i want to. let me just... i'm sorry. i just am sad. then cry on the insidelike a winner. you cannottake care of yourself unless you toughen up, and as far as talkingto somebody who won't blab,i can give you the names
of three different lawyers. lawyers cost money. you have money;you have half of what mark has. okay, thank you. you're welcome. are we done? done? that wasn't even a conversation. you mostly just yelled at methe whole time. (thunder whimpers)
okay, look. all right, if i let you in,we are not braiding each other's hairand drinking cosmos. you have one hour. and i get first dibs of whatever's in that bag. sure thing. you can have a seat,but please keep your dog off of my furniture.
(thunder whining) thunder. (whispering):thunder. get down. get down... down. wow, okay. that's great. he's just a puppy.
okay... well, have a seat. okay, well, i don't wantto sit someplace where you and mark had sex. (clears throat) is the ottoman okay? mm... what about the chair? if i'm totally being honest...
i just... are you serious? it's a window. people can see in here. look, you're just gonna haveto pick a spot and be okay with it. just have a seat. (phone buzzing) is that mark calling?
(buzzing continues) yes, it is. mark is in miami, so why ishe calling you from miami? i didn'teven know he was in miami. well, why is hecalling you at all? i don't know that either.i usually don't call my boyfriends backafter i find out that they have a wife. so you haven't called himat all, full silent treatment,
and he's still calling you? i'm pretty certain that's why he's still calling. but what if he's calling to say that he's in love with you and he wants to be with you. i don't care. well, what if he's in lovewith you and what? i mean, has he ever saidthat he-he loves you
and has he talkedto you like that? or has he... i mean, do you thinkthat he still loves me? if we're gonna do this,i-i need a drink. i get it. what do you get? okay, you havethe perfect place, and you are theperfect girl, and you could probably take offall of your clothes right now and have, like,no flab and not need a wax
or anything andjust be ready to go. my situation's pretty situatedat all times. it's true. and see, i am not situated. i-i can't even rememberto shave my legs. i need, like, at leasta week of prep, minimum. doesn't mark see you nakedall the time? he doesn't? it's... no.
what's it like? is it, like, a '70s situation?is it like a... it is like... and i'm totally serious, like, not... no man likes that. it's like a... just not... i'm not sayingthat you have to be bald
or anything like that. i'm talking about, like,a fig leaf. that's all they want. they just need to have a pretty little patch of happiness. i am, like, martha stewart... but, like, with big underpants.
let me tell you somethingabout martha stewart. she handled prison like a boss. thank you. that's right. right? i still think, though,that i am not ready to compete with women like you. even though, technically,i have been competing with women like you all along.
i just didn't know it. we're not in competition. we got playedby the same guy. i call it a tie. tequila or vodka? kate: i can't believe i'm in the mistress's closet. i am not a mistress. a mistress knows thatshe's dating a married man.
i... i didn't know,so i'm not a mistress. can you say that, please? seriously, can you just pleasesay i'm not a mistress? oh, you're not a mistress. sorry. try these on. these ones are very special. i don't think we havethe same size foot. this looks likea box of bungee cords.
what it does is holdyour tits up. that's so awesome. this is likea logic puzzle. this would lookso hot on you. i don't know why menfind these sexy. just put these on. a mouse hammock. a mouse... (laughs) and i'm always like,
why don't i just wearthe good t-shirt? ♪ hold... ♪ ♪ we are young ♪ ♪ ooh, ah, ooh, ah, ooh, ah ♪ ♪ heartache to heartache,we stand ♪ ♪ no promises, no demands ♪ ♪ love is a battlefield. ♪ (thunder groans) (thunder snuffling)
wake up. you're making outwith your dog. (quietly):wake up. what is he doing? kate: (gasps)oh, no. no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no, no. no, no, no! (thunder groaning,kate and carly moan) damn it!
do you want me to get it? i'm really sorry. i thought i had himthat time. just send methe cleaning bill, okay? believe it. (whistles) and you'll send methe names of the lawyers, too? yeah, you still want those? well, listen,
mark's pretty shady, so if hefinds out you have a lawyer, you're gonna become the enemy.he thinks you're clueless, and you have an edge, so use it. get your ducks in a row. thank you so muchfor everything. i really appreciate this. yeah, it was fun. right. thank you so much.
no problem. you're welcome. bye. (groans quietly) (kate screaming) (clattering, shattering) (phone beeps on) oh, shit, i'm sorry. did you... why-why... i thought you'd haveyour phone off.
then why even bother calling? well, why'd you leaveyour phone on? what do you need, kate? well, it's not a big deal, but you know how sometimesyou get, like a... just like a hint of a zit,and then you just, like, pick at it a little bit and then you just keeppicking at it
and picking at ituntil it becomes, like, this soul-sucking, life-ruining face crater that you absolutely cannot hide? you're calling mebecause you got a zit? um, not exactly. what the hell did you do? it was an accident. i, um...
an accident? i know. were you on pcp? (screaming) kate: okay, here's what happened. i started digging around. everything was locked, and i started thinking, maybe he is shady, and then i just started thinking, like,
this whole room is filled with lies and secrets. and then it was likethis red mist came over me. you know how i told you to get your ducks in a row? yeah, i... well, this isn't puttingyour ducks in a row. this is putting your ducksin a wood chipper. hold on. oh, shit, he's early.
my brother, phil. don't mention thewhole mistress thing. why? i feel like it's kindof an icebreaker. hi, hi. who's this? i'm carmela, kate's decorator. really? when didyou fire joel? joel? no, i didn't.
no, he's, um... the... she's doingall of the stuff in the... on the feng shui in the house. remember? um, we metin hong kong-- i told you-- yeah, we bondedover dim sum and spatial reasoning. two of my favorite things. that's so smartand funny. that's really witty.
ha-ha. that's funny. so, um, this is my brother. remember? yeah, you said that. and he's a contractor. he's gonna go look oh, a contractor. oh. at the office while you go... of course.
unless you want to stay;i mean, you could help me check things out. i would love to, actually, no. that's okay. but it's kind of a tricky... project. and i don't want tocomplicate things, so... but it was really nicemeeting you, so... yeah, you, too.i hope i see you again soon.
carmela? really? did you and tony have funliving in hong kong? or did big pussy and meadowmiss you too much? you know what? you're gonnathank me for using a fake name. you don't want phil mentioning to mark about your new friend carly,do you? no, you don't,so you are welcome. by the way, what is upwith your hot brother?
no! no, you can't have my husbandand my brother. that's... no. that's being very greedy. i think you'rebeing greedy. i'm being greedy? he's your brother. what are you gonna do with him? what was it likein your house?
was everybody like hot-hot philin your family or are most of them like you? i'm cute-cute kate. and what about your father? leave my dad out of this. i bet your dad's hot. you and your vaginaneed to just... (thunder barking inside) (door closes)
kate? (thunder whines) kate:surprise! i started redecorating. what do you think? what happenedto just painting it red? oh, red is so cliche. i would expect thatfrom other guys in their offices, but not you.
you deserve, you know,something different. something better than that. it's good, right? i think it's great. you do? i love it. okay, because you know how i getcarried away with all the colors and i'm doing... (moans)
i missed you. how was miami? miami was amazing. the guys lovedyour gift card swap idea. swipeswitch? and guess what? guess. what...? they're gonna put inhalf a million as seed money.
really? that's right! (kate squeals, laughs) mark:we did it, we did it, we did it. oh, team king. i'll tell you all about itat dinner. with me? yes, we're celebrating. just let me clean up real quick.
(phone rings) how's it going? not good. why? what's wrong? we have a situation. okay, listen, if you killed him,don't tell me. i can't defend youif i know you did it. no, no, no,i didn't kill him. no. it's, uh,something that rhymes with...
"schlintercourse." what?! you had sex with him? no, of course not. it's barely dark outside. no, he's just, he's on a highfrom the business trip, and he's... he's got that look in his eyes. that... (groans)
that... you know? that... (grunts) and i-i just don't knowif i can hold out. okay, what is going onover there? i don't know. i just... the-the-there's been wine, and-and hand holdingduring dinner. and, uh, it just felt so goodto be touched, you know? yeah, i do because he usedto touch me, too.
aah! why do you say that? a lot. i don't want to hear that. then why are you calling me? for permission? if you want to have sexwith your husband, just do it. i'm just wondering, like, what if i keepmy clothes on while i'm having sex with him?
what if, like, the-the top partof me hated him, while the bottom part of me did all the dirty work.what if he just put it in halfway, and-and then i tooka really hot bath afterward and just really cleaned up. kate, you're making a mistake. i know! i'm trying not to. no, you're not, not really.
yes, i am. look, and if you're gonna cave every time thathe pays attention to you, then you know what, just leave me out of it. you can keep wastingyour own time, but i'm done. fine, be done. i am done.
i'm done. this is me being done. fine. okay, good-bye. fine, well, forget i called. good-bye. (phones beep off) (sighs heavily) kate...
you hold it together. he is awful. (laughing) (moaning passionately) oh, that's good. you taste good. and you smell so good. (moaning continues) okay, wait,hold on one second.
just one second. i'll be right back. don't move. ♪ cool jerk ♪ ♪ well, i know a catthat can really do ♪ ♪ the cool jerk ♪ ♪ i know a catthat can really do ♪ ♪ the cool jerk. ♪ (quietly):hey, baby.
woman:hi. what are you doing? oh, i'm still working. well, i'm not working. and i am so freaking hot. (woman continues indistinctly) ♪ can you do it, can you do it,can you do it, can you do it ♪ ♪ can you do it, can you do it,can you do it ♪ ♪ can you do it,can you cool jerk? ♪ (mark speaking low,indistinctly)
oh, baby, send me a picture,will you? send me a few pictures. i'll send tons. we'll have the wholeweekend in the hamptons to work that out. i miss you. oh, i miss you, too. honey, i-i gotta go. i gotta go, baby.
bill, i told you,don't call me at night. i'll call you tomorrow. (sighs)i'm sorry, honey. it's okay.the wine hit me wrong. i have a splitting headache. well, maybe i can make itgo away, huh? sorry, honey, not tonight. kate: "sorry for the tough love. "do what you need to do.
i support you."yeah, right. bitch. you okay? yep. you sure? 'cause you'retalking to your phone. i'm fine. so, how's carmela? bad. because i said so, okay?
why? do you like her?because she is fired. what's going on with you? i... let me...let me take a stab and say that youdidn't fire her because you realizedthat feng shui is bullshit. you shouldn't bepaying for that. okay, you know what?feng shui rules. and there are so many peoplein this world and in china (crying):who love feng shui,
and feng shui is notwhat you think it is, and i hate that you keep saying katie... that it's dumb. i didn't mean it. feng shui is so good'cause it's important to know where to place things mm-hmm... okay...
in order to make yourselffeel better. katie, sweetheart? (muffled crying continues) katie? what are you doing?what is that? see? see? this is what happens when carly makes me cryon the inside like a winner. (sobbing)
katie! who's carly? she's mark's girlfriend,and not "friend friend," like, "boning friend"! mark's cheating on you? like, 50 times at least. are you serious? with who? or more probably. carmela, but onlyher real name is carly.
is this some sort oftyler durden fight club thing? are you carly? no... is anyone carly? phil, please focus, okay? i am focused. i-i don't want to keepexplaining this to you. who... is...? carmela is carly.
the feng shui spatialist chick,that girl? yeah, i'm fine. i never liked that guy. i never liked that guy;i told you that before you married him,didn't i? i sat you down.what a piece of shit. did you know shewas his mistress when she was in the house?when she was working here? okay, here's the thing.
i thought she washis ex-mistress, but it turns outthey're still seeing each other. that makes sense. so i heard him on the phone with her, and then he comes to me,and he's like, "oh, i have to go golfing "in connecticut with the canadian crew."right?
which is code. for what? ca. ca? car... carly. carmela. carmela. you're talkingabout carmela. and then she doesn't even knowthat i know
that they're still together, and so she's pretendingto be friends with me, but she's spying on melike a double agent. and you're letting herpretend because... because that's how you runa double agent. i don't even know if she's american. i don't even know. listen, katie,if she's full of shit,
call her out on it. take care of that.deal with her. and then dealwith the real problem. oh, mark. yes, mark. okay, right. mm-hmm. i'm really happy thatwe're doing this. are you? how are you feeling?
i don't know;how are you feeling? well, i feel like i owe youan apology for the other night. do you? hmm. i know sometimes i can bemore tough than love, and... can you? yeah, and i just wantedto clear the air and-and saythat whatever happens between you and markis your business. oh, is it?
yeah. are you okay? are you still sleepingwith my husband? you heard me. this is unbelievable. no, no, no, no, no... i must be crazy to think i could be best friendwith my ex-boyfriend's w... you don't getto ice me out. no. no. huh-uh. no.
what? what? what? you can't...you can't ice me out. what are you gonna do? i am gonna ice you out. look, okay, here'smy ice shield. what next? are yougonna pull out my weave? is that what's gonna happen? why don't you starttelling me the truth! what, you wantto know the truth?
your husband sucks! i am not sleeping with him. and the fact that you thinkthat i would really hurts. well, shit!i don't know! all i know iswhat i heard, and he's meetingsomeone... then it's not me, so he mustbe cheating on both of us. oh, my god, that's it.he's cheating on us! no, i was kidding about that.
yes! no, no, no. if he's not seeing you--which i'm so sorry i said that, that was...that was... that sucks, i'm sorry-- but ifhe isn't seeing you, he's seeing someone else. think about it, kate.think about it. between the two of us,he has a perfect woman. what else would he need? the one thing we'renot giving him: sex.
(mission impossible themeplaying) time to go, sweetie. okay. um, are you all packedfor all your business meetings? i hate working on the weekends. oh... i feel bad for you. let me walk you out. mmm. mmm! mwah! have a great weekend.
okay. you, too. bye! you look gorgeous, honey. thanks, honey. safe flight! i'll call you when i get in. don't forget. (mission impossible themecontinues) (ringtone plays)
(tires squeal, engine revs) (tires squeal) carly:come on, let's go! he's probably halfwaythere already. we're gonna lose him. what is thunder doing?no, no, no, no, no, no. get in the car. are you kidding me? i hate... no, no! oh, god!
jesus, that was... i think that was... itmight have been his balls. no, that was... ugh! carly: i don't think weshould rush into anything... what are you doing?where are you going? when you're divvying upfriends in the divorce, make sure you keep this one. what are you... doing? i don't...
you're not gonna see anythingthrough those hedges. get out of there. you are being a verynegative detective. give me a boost up. look, he's notgonna catch us. (both grunting) go higher. go higher. wait... (grunts) i... go higher.
just look... kate:oh, hell, no! now he's crossedthe line! come on! what... what is it?what's going on? it's a jetta. what... it's a jetta! so?
only young, hot girlsdrive jettas! i had a jetta. that's whati'm talking about. (beep, whirr) all right, okay... (carly gasps, grunts) (brakes squeak) hi, there. i just, um, i was out for a jog,and my hammies locked up.
you know, when that...happens, i... i have to stretch. carly: i'm not gumby. i just pulled over for a little stretch. (exaggerated grunt) oh... that feelsso much better. yup. that's, uh, a lot better.
oh, yeah. (man speaks spanish) you just got to, like... stretch it out... stretch it out. kate:yeah. that is... that is it! if we are gonna keep doing this,you have to tell me what we're doingand where we're going
and where we're goingand what's happening, because i can'ttake it anymore! let's go! oh, god! (grunts) (thunder barking) (seabirds squawking) phil: well, well, well,look who's here-- the wife and the mistress. i'm not a mistress.
not technically,anyway. and she comesin peace, so be nice. phil:all right, all right. come on in. so, can i ask what the hellthe two of you are up to? and, katie, don't sayit's a social call, because you haven't been heresince i've bought the place. we think mark hasanother mistress, and we're gonna go find her.
i... and-and what exactlydo you plan on doing if you find this girl? don't come at me withall your weird little man logic, okay? this is a one-day-at-timeoperation, and today, it's a light recon day. a grappling hook? damn.
(seabirds squawking in distance) (thunder barks in distance) look, i don't knowif you're here out of some... morbid curiosity, or if you and kateare the weirdest friends ever... we are.the weirdest friends ever. but she's a good person. and even thoughmark's an asshole, they had something real.
and whenever she's done running around with you, she'sgonna realize that that's gone. and it's gonna suck. try not to make that partany worse for her. kate:okay... they are on the move. kate:okay. nothing... whoops. he's up.
carly: wow. really?what's he doing? kate: kissing. carly: uh-huh. kate: probably tongue. carly: mm-hmm. kate: probably enjoying. carly: great. kate: okay, target is moving.target is moving. target is on the move.
oh, look, he's wearing those cute little shortsi got him for christmas. those look good on him. i can't believe you're notinterested in this at all. carly: just promise mewhen you meet her that you're not gonna, like, lose your shitlike you did with me. and don't say you didn't. i lost my shit,
but that's becausei was a mistress-virgin, and you were the first one. now i'm all worn inlike an old glove. oh, shit, she's getting up. what? what?! holy shit! oh, come on! what is that? let me see.
let me... let me see! okay, but you'renot gonna like it. jesus! she makes me looklike i'm wearing a diaper! do you think shehad that made? are you kidding me? no, she didn't have that made. that fits her really well. when you have a body like that,everything fits you perfectly. do you know what this is?this is just
so unoriginal, mark. she has a goodstride. wow. so cliche. i mean, she's, like,a perfect ten, she's pretty good. lemon tart, double-d, maybe, like, an 11. obviously natural double-d. that's a triple-d.
carly: it's, like,a midlife crises mistress. she's like a cliche version ofevery wife's waking nightmare. kate: you have to admitthat's pretty good, though. seriously. it's a...okay, great, it's fine. she's beautiful.but you know what? okay, at some point, you say,"i play tennis," right? you know what? how are younot freaking about this? but if i play againstjohn mcenroe,
then i expect to lose. i am mcenroe! what are you doing! where are you going?wait! kate:no! don't...! kate:what happened to being calm! carly! carly! stop...!
carly: i can't believehe's been cheating on me! kate: oh, boo-hoo!he cheated on me, too! carly: you're the wife!he's supposed to cheat on you! ow! (indistinct shouting) stop the grappling! i'm strong when i'm mad...! (both yelling) (yelling continues)
woman:what's going on? i just can't believe he'd lie to me. i really thoughtwe were soul mates. oh, my god, i am so sorry. i can't believei just said that. you're his soul mate;i'm a whore. you must hate meso much right now. but if it's any consolation,right now, i hate me more.
i don't hate you.i don't hate you at all. i got all of thatout of my system with that one. how can you be so amazing you could be friendswith your husband's mistress? yeah, it's likea dream come true. seriously? you know what,ignore her. she's just working throughsome stuff right now. she's...
she's kind of troubled. but you smell amazing.what is that? i think it's just sweat. you know whatthe worst part about this is?you seem so nice, and this whole timehe had me believing you were the devil. wait, what? he said that
you cheated on himand then asked for a divorce. he said that i...(stammering) i was the cheater?that's what he said? th-that i cheated? i'm so sorry. that is so...okay, well, that's... what an asshole! he's a liar, kate.who cares what he says? because it's not fair.and he made me
the bad guy.and he's divorcing me? you know it's not actuallyhappening, right? okay, but he could havepicked any scenario, and he picks that one? and he makes methe villain? and then divorces mefor fake cheating? i shouldn't have told you.i'm so sorry. honey, it's not your faultthat i married a monster. you are innocentin all of this.
let's go back to phil's. wait... what am isupposed to do? you guys can't just leave me. mark's gonnabe back from the gym any minute. we'll get your number. we'll get your num... can we keep her? no, we can't keep her!we already have a dog at home!
you pulled my hair,which is totally out of... phil:hey, hey, hey! hey! ...you cannotjust make some... check this out.watch what i taught thunder. thunder,get me a beer. kate: unbelievable. carly: wow! that's crazy. it's crazy. it's a miracle.
that dog is tryingto break me. he really is. phil: good boy. good boy. thunder. thunder. so, how was the stalking? thank you, thank you, thunder. traitor. thank you, thank you. how did it go, weirdo?
oh, it was good. we took a run on the beach,we met mark's new mistress... carly: amber. it was good. 22, super-hot. are you jealous? no, i'm not jealous. you are. i just don't have, like,
an insane girl crush. i think it's goodthat she's super-hot. i feel like it brings upour group average. this is not fricki'' sister wives, honey. are you sure thatyou're not angry? because letting it outis a whole lot better than having to tellthe cops you didn't mean to hug her to death. ha, ha!you're so funny!
you'll see whenyou meet her. what? when i meet her? kate:up high. oh, you look so pretty! you look so pretty. carly: it's really... phil:bad. it's just bad. kate:i love your hair... so, what's thatup there?
that's the best partof the house. yeah.you're gonna like it. come on, i'll show you. kate: i'm so happythat i met you. you're sucha good girl. amber: mark's an asshole. he is. kate:right? (kate and ambercontinue conversing)
i know exactly whati would do with it. i would puta coffee table right here, so that i could havemy morning coffee. not there. you can't.it doesn't work. there's too much morning sun.it would blast you. no, this is where i wouldwant to exist-- right here. looking at that. you sure? i'll think about it.
you better. ♪ shortie in the back,short-shortie in the back ♪ ♪ short-shortie in the backof the club ♪ ♪ and she's banging ♪ ♪ short-shortiein the back of the club ♪ ♪ and she's bangingso pretty... ♪ carly: i got to admit,kate might actually have a point about her bringing upthe group average. ♪ shortie in the back,short-shortie in the back... ♪
do you guys care if i smoke? no... i kind ofwant one, too. since when do you smoke? since whenever i want to smoke. yeah! phil: this ought to be good. i swear, if we find anymore mistresses, i'm gonna have tosend her to rehab.
♪ like a blazing light ♪ ♪ our dreams ignite ♪ ♪ across the sky ♪ ♪ if you feel it in the air ♪ ♪ oh, if you feel itin the air ♪ ♪ then you're already there. ♪ (seabirds squawk in distance) (grunts quietly) phil:don't worry, wedidn't hook up.
we didn't? oh, thank god. nah, you took your clothes off togo skinny-dipping. yeah. you girls started in on the tequila, and it allwent downhill from there. i couldn't get you tokeep your clothes on, so i had to buttonyou in backwards. shut up.
so let me get this straight. i came into your bed nakedand tried to molest you, and then you madea straitjacket and a pillow fortto protect yourself from me. (sighs) oh, my god,i've hit rock bottom. aw, don'tworry about it. we were pretty out of our heads, and i like to thinki'm a good guy. so... so you needed the pillowsto resist me.
let's say i was hedgingmy willpower. i'm gonna go take a shower. good morning. what are you guys doing? phil went for a run, andamber's making frittatas. have you packedyour shit? 'cause i want to get on theroad before traffic starts. no. 'cause that means i have to go homeand deal with mark.
you know what sucks?i was thinking... is that he should bethe one freaking out, not me, becausei didn't do anything, and instead, he's totally fine,and i'm sitting here with the two of you,pretending not even to know you, and then on top of it, i have toget my ducks in a row. so what do you want to do? okay, this may sound wrong,
but i kind ofwant him to hurt. i want to be theone who makes him start a whole new life because i took itaway from him. i want him to feelwhat i feel, but worse. so you're talking aboutmaximum pain, right? we should kick him in the balls. you know, that's, like,a really good thought, and actually, i like the wayyour brain works,
but i thinkwe're thinking about... something a littlebit bigger than that. you know what, it doesn'treally matter anyway, because he's alwaysgonna wind up on top, because he's a killerand i'm not. that's not true. you know that.you're not alone in this. you have us. exactly.
when you put the lawyer,the wife and the boobs together, you got the perfectkilling machine. i do? i know how assholesdo asshole-y things, you do. and you knowhow mark does everything, and amber knows... we're gonna find outwhat amber knows. amber: yeah.
wait a sec, whatare you saying? what i'm saying is thatif you want to take him down, then let'stake him down. we have him surrounded. surrounded. and if we put our brains together... the three of us. ...the three of us can bejust as shady as he can.
i am in. are you in? i'm in! ("girls just want to have fun"playing) ♪ i come homein the morning light ♪ ♪ my mother says, "when yougonna live your life right?" ♪ ♪ oh, mother dear,we're not the fortunate ones ♪ ♪ and girls,they want to have fun ♪ (blender whirrs loudly)
♪ oh, girls just wantto have fun... ♪ hi, honey. mmm! tastes different today.what'd you do? added kiwi. mm. i like it. i'll keep adding it. ♪ oh, daddy dear, you knowyou're still number one ♪ mmm.
♪ but girls,they want to have fun ♪ ♪ oh, girls just wantto have fun ♪ ♪ huh, huh ♪ ♪ just want to, they just want to ♪ ♪ have fun ♪ ♪ they just want to ♪ ♪ they want to, oh, girls ♪ ♪ girls just want to have fun... ♪ mark:i was going crazy without you.
i'm sorryfor being such a jerk. no. no, no, no.you know what? i overreacted. no, i did. i really did. it was just that youwere coming to meet me dad, and i've justbeen so worried about him. he's been going throughso much with this divorce, and i just... sorry. do you mind?i'll just be a second.
no. that's fine. mike. no, i was setting the mike. n-never mind.what do you want? i love this tie. (low, indistinct conversation) what is it? (spoon stirring) okay. hold that thought.
(laughs softly) (sighs) i'm sorry. um... where were we? my dad's divorce. you said you'reworried about him. i am. mm. he's gonna have to givethis woman half of his money, half of everything he has.and she does nothing.
she just lays aroundthe house all day long. i mean, he has beenworking his whole life, and she is just goingto take half of it. it's not fair. but he can't give awaywhat he doesn't have. are you saying thathe should hide his money? not hide. lose. i don't really understand. maybe i should justtell him in person.
you would do that? (gags, chuckles) whoa. the... ah... (stomach grumbling) (whispers): are you okay? actually, no. we should get outof here. now. (farting) please. carly (whispers):yeah. okay.
(whispers):come on. (mark gasping, panting) (mark farts, groans) uh... something's not right. um... you should go. i'll call you later. do you want meto wait for you? i don't mind.
no, it's fine.it's good, it's good. oh, shit! oh...! oh, come on! oh... oh...! oh! (grunts) (farting) (pooping, farting) (gasping) oh, god.
(door opens) (panting): that was painful. oh, no! (sobs):oh, no! (farting, splashing) oh... (mark groans) (quietly):hey, buddy? (panting):can you help me out?
i need you to buy me some pants. ah, things got really tough in there, huh? i'm a 34-inch waist the fit doesn't have to be perfect.and i like blue. or green! you still there? (farting stops) (groans, pants)
what happened to you? i had a fecal incident. i needed some pants,and the only person who didn't try to rob mewas a hipster. i'm sorry, did you sayyou had a "fecal incident"? like you pooped your pants? yes, kate,exactly like that. i shit my pants. and you know what,sweetheart?
it's about to happen again,so if you don't mind... i'm gonna go see ifour toilet can take a punch. (giggling) (crowd chatter) ♪ don't say sticks and stones,they might break your bones ♪ ♪ but the nine millimeter,it will bore your dome ♪ ♪ i'm talking about... ♪ (men shouting in chinese) you found it!
i did. come on, sit down. is your shirt see-through? yeah, the girl at the shoptold me that sheer is the next big thing. and your indian girldidn't veto that? i haven't seen her.we didn't have that twinkle,you know what i mean? i like sheer shirts.
dad, this is amber. hi, amber. hi. um... mmm... mmm... i'm fine, thank you. i'm, like, really okay. thank you.i hate being touched. where are we?seriously. what is this, like, saigon?
don't make fun of 'nam. let me tell you something,best years of my life. this place is awesome.my neck was so tight. what's it called? no hands. isn't it great? watch this. (speaks vietnamese) you see? no hands. okay, i can't putmy finger on it,
but there's definitelysomething very wrong with that. so, um, okay, what's up? what's this big mysteryyou want me to solve? well, hypothetically, if i wanted to protectmy money by losing it, what would i do? losing it? yeah, losing it. you're not working with thehypothetical feds, are you?
no! why, do you havea problem with the feds? actually, don't tell me. what's this guy do? he develops start-up companies. ah, the chuzzlewit pinch. he ain't losing money, he's robbing it. i'll tell you what you do. look for blind offshore filings.
like in switzerlandor the bahamas. if i was gonna "lose" money, that's where i'd do it. can i get another drink? you okay, baby? need my help on this? i got this. stop frowningbefore you break your face. better?
i don't know.that's your evil genius smile. is somebodyabout to get screwed? you screw me, i screw you back. i'm a lady like that. a three-way? please? come on,you'll love dana. dana? it'll be so hot.
i think it'd bea game-changer for us. all right,if you really want to. yes! thank you! amber:dana. baby, this is dana. hm? (loud grunting) i knew you'd love her. mark: god!
(shudders) (low grunting, panting) what the hell? (panting):kate? kate! yes? look at this. oh, looks like you put ona little bit of weight. and have you ever seenshit like this?
(pained grunt) oh, yeah, yeah. don't-don't do that. are they sensitive?does that hurt? (gasps in pain) tune in tokyo. (laughing):it's... it just looks likeyou're a little bloated. bloated? i have boobs!
these nipples look likethey've done hard time in africa feedingsome village. okay, i thinkyou're overreacting. they're straightout of the congo! let's just tape them up;we'll put some tape on them... no! i can't go to workwith my tits taped! to do some push-ups. did you want this smoothie? amber: and he's backto sexting like a freak.
carly:oh, my god, i wish he would stop sendingso many pictures. every time i pick up my phone, it's like getting flashedon the subway. kate: okay, try living underthe same roof with him. all i get is surprise penis. carly:what is wrong with him? it's like his sex driveis tripled. amber:nonstop, right?
i thought you said thatyou were giving him hormones. i am! enough fora pre-op transsexual. he must be taking viagraby the handful. i don't know how much longeri can last, because now that sexis off the table, we actually have to speakto one another, and i think he's gettinga little suspicious. well, maybe one of us shouldjust sleep with him.
are you crazy? no, just to, like, let some steamout of the pot. please don't. please, please,keep the lid on the pot. so you don't thinki can handle it? you know what,i'll do it. yeah, no,i'll take one for the team. no, you think thathe's an evil sociopath.
he is, he is,but it's better me than you. i can weather a little hate sex. i'll do it;i don't have a lot of feelings. okay, you guys haveno faith in me. oh, my god, i have a friendwho could do it. no! no, no, no. we are not gonna hire a hookerto sleep with my husband. she's not a hooker,she's just a slut. no, okay, we're done here.
i'm gonna do it. i am gonna do it. if you do it, i do it. yeah, me, too. rock, paper, scissors. winner has sexwith my husband. yep, it's theonly way. one time,or two out of three? one time.
well, amber wins. you okay with that? i couldn't be more okay. ♪ here i am ♪ ♪ the one that you love ♪ ♪ askin' for another day ♪ ♪ understand the onethat you love ♪ ♪ loves you in so many ways ♪ you are so
full of shit. (clattering at window) ♪ ooh... ♪ (whispering):kate! (pebble clattering) hey! where have you been? are you okay? i've been trying youall day long.
okay, can you openthe door for me? (kate grunts, thudding) (thunder snuffles, groans) ♪ i promise this onewill go slow... ♪ this is whatit's come to, huh? i think i'm havinga nervous breakdown. is it ever gonna get any easier? it will. when?
well, it's gonna suckfor a little while. you know? but then it's gonnasuck a little less, (sighs)and then one day, that ring isjust gonna be a ring. you're gonna take it off, and it's just gonna be somethingthat you used to wear. i hope so. what's he doing?
he's supposed tobe with amber. oh, shit. katie, i'm home! go in there. no, there's no roomunder the bed. (whispering) okay, i'll go here. no, no, no, no, no. i'll go here. i'll go here.
no, i can see you. go out the window. go out the window.get out the window. mark: honey? i'm not getting out the window. no, you can't get in there. i'm ticklish, i'm ticklish. hi, sweetie, you're home early. uh, i-i cancelled.
what-what's all this? oh, you know, just, um, sometimes i like to put on my dress. it's pretty. you know when you just feellike, your, like, normal clothes are, like, blah,and you're just like, "oh, i wish i had a costume"or something? you know when you get like that?
no? not really. no, but... (kate groans) why don't you come to myinvestor dinner this weekend? we'll get dressed up and you can see firsthandwhat i've been doing with all your great ideas. okay! okay, i'm gonna get usa couple of drinks.
scotch okay? that'd be perfect. thank you. get out! be careful. wait, wait, no! wait! no, no, no. okay. (squeals) (squeaks):ow. (laughter,indistinct conversations)
big year, buddy.great job. thanks. kate, you remembermy partner nick. yes, hi. it's been ages. good to see you again. you, too. this is, uh, cece. kate's the one who gave usthe idea for swipeswitch.com. oh, my god,i am obsessed with that idea.
i can't wait forthat site to go up. wow, thank you. that really means a lot. thank you, that's nice. she's my little idea factory. (laughs) maybe you should've pickedher brain about servicecircuit. is that still circlingthe drain? more like the toilet,
but the potential's there, nick. we should try and make it work. how much? two million. all right, we'll talk about it. but if the two milliondoesn't work, then we'regonna shut it down. thanks, man.i-i appreciate it. don't sweat it. you made usa ton of money this year.
nobody bats a thousand. that's true. on that happy note,who needs a drink? i do. sweetie, you want another? cece: can i get you one? i'll have a double. sure, i'll go get it. (chuckles)see you in a bit.
she's lovely. she is. mm-hmm. is it serious? uh, no. well, i was sorry to hearabout you and julie. me, too. but, uh, the lawyers say it's all very, um, amicable. so fake it until you make it.
something like that. mark:katie! oh, this is beautiful. whoa. nice. (sighing) this is pretty. mmm, did you ever think,when we had that shitty little apartmenton charles street
that we'd end up here? that wasn't a shitty apartment. that was a great apartment. don't you rememberhow tiny it was? and remember we had thebathroom in the kitchen? and every time iflushed the toilet, the shower wouldget really cold. i hated it. i loved that apartment.
it just seems like everythingwas so simple then. i was happy. and i just wanted youto be happy. you can tell me. i won't be mad. what? i wouldn't evenbe me without you. i... i might not alwaysget it right, but... i'm exactlywhere i want to be. do you promise?
hi! hi! i'm so glad you're here! we have so much to tell you. major breakthroughs. what is all of this? amber got mark's passwordoff the nanny cam, hacked into his computerthe night she was supposed to have sex with him. so you saw him?
he came over after work andhe had his computer with him. did you have sex? i know i said i would, but you looked so sadwhen i won, and i couldn't do it. tell her what you did. i chickened out, and i said i had chlamydia. that's right, bitch,chlamydia!
she gave him chlamydia. amber:he can't even have any sex till he finishes his z-pak. (laughs) yay. carly: mark's not just a cheating scumbag,he's also a thief. look what i found. this is a list of allof the start-up companies that mark has invested in.
three are offshore, but onlyone was a blind filing. no board of directors. it has a p.o. boxfor an address, and it's been operating ata total loss in the bahamas. servicecircuit. this is it, kate. no, that can't be right. mark was talking aboutservicecircuit last night. they're putting more money
into it. that's part of the con. all we have to do is find outthe bank he's using. no, i was with theboard last night, and they seem really happy. mark is making them rich. he's stealing, kate,and making money for them is just one of the waysthat he does it. okay, wait, kate,what's going on?
nothing, i just think that it's more complicated than we thought. you slept with him, didn't you? one night? you go right backto being a stepford? what am i supposed to do? he must have literallyscrewed your brains out. so what? maybe you just haveto forgive people
in order to move forward. but he didn't ask you forforgiveness, now, did he? maybe if youhad something to lose, you would understand how hardthis is for me? carly: like what? like a cheating husbandof my own? both of you, stop. you know what, things shifted this weekend.
it was different. so you don't know. what are you doing? i'm gonna seeif mark wants to hang out. what's wrong with you? kate:everything. everything is wrong with you, and you know what,i feel like an idiot right now for trusting you over him.
kate, wait. (phone chimes) (taps key) but nothing fromamber either? no, and i feel likeif amber won't talk to me, then... i obviouslyi did anything wrong. i think you're being hardon yourself. i don't know, i can't tell. i care so much,
and-and then it just comes outso harsh. well, you know,what the hell do you know? you get it wrong all the time. i'm usually a fun date.i am. i'm having fun. not a lot of it, but some. you should thinkabout being nicer to me. 'cause i'm not certaini really like you yet. i think you like me.
do i? (coughing) i'm sorry, i'm sorry. no, don't get too close to me. i think i'm getting sick. what's wrong? i went to the doctor. he gave me a z-pak. he said there's somethingnasty going around,
and that you shouldtake one, too. that's for you. a z-pak? i'm not sick, though. well, that's why youtake it beforehand, so you don't get sick. it's prophylactic. oh, honey, i need you to signsome papers for me. (distorted):if you could do it today,that'd be great.
there's no need to read it;it's just the usual stuff. it's, uh, boring stufffrom the accountant. servicecircuit again. also, i'm traveling. i'm going to miamiand the bahamas. did you just say somethingabout the bahamas? (sniffles) no, i feel so awful. well, no, no.
you were right about everything, and he's still lying to me, and he's still treating melike i'm blind, and i'm not. you're not.you're not. okay, i found this. they're wire transferinstructions for a company in the bahamas. mark is flying down this week. you said thatall we had to do
was find out wherehe banks, right? so let's go to the bahamas and let's get him. kate, i'm sorry, but i... i can't. i can't stay in thismark moment forever. i can't,and if i'm investigating him or if go to the bahamas, then i'm still involved, and...
i just can't do that anymore. no, okay, i get it. no, okay. okay, i just, um... hmm? for basically... forcing me to be your friend. you wanted to be friendswith me, too. you just didn't know it.
yeah, well... you jumped outof a window for me. you pushed me. i shoved you. hard, too. okay, i'll keep youin the loop? i'll be damned. oh... (laughs) (loud chatter)
ooh, sorry. amber and carly:katie! kate! you guys came! (kate squealing) you think we couldlet a sister down? we're getting the bandback together. carly: you know thosebank transfers you gave me? they were for servicecircuit, and guess whose signature
is all overthe servicecircuit paperwork? kate:mark's. yours. you're the ceo. he used you tocreate the company. the son of a bitch puteverything in your name. he's neck-deep in fraud,and if anything goes down, oh, my gosh. they're gonna comeafter you first, okay? you're his fall guy.
you could even go to jail. i can't go to jail.oh, no, no, no, no, no. turn the car around. nobody's actuallygonna go to jail. turn the car around.no, no, no. no, i am not martha stewart. i will wind up in gen pop. no, you're not going to. i'm not gonna let you go.
i can't join a gang! you're not gonnajoin a gang. i don't know how to make shanks. i have soft handsand a small mouth! okay, okay, seriously. i will be the bottom. no, no, get back. i don't want to make license plates!
you're not going to jail, okay? please, turn the car around! okay, come here. go back... i promise! go back! you're not gonnago to jail. sit down. my name was all over everything.
well, that's the good news. that's the good news. your name's on everything. what are you talking about? do you know what she means? amber: no. carly: what i mean is we needto find mark and his bank. kate: i know where he is.he's at the one & only. carly: perfect.then we're halfway there.
♪ bubble butt,bubble, bubble, bubble butt ♪ ♪ bubble butt, bubble, bubble,bubble butt ♪ ♪ turn around, stick it out,show the world you got a ♪ do you see him? not yet. how do you know he's even here? gps does not lie. you guys, i thinki see a dolphin. got him. i got him.
♪ one bat, two balls,swing it like cricket ♪ ♪ pull me locks, slap my ass,make me show you how me wicked ♪ ♪ baby, baby, make me tell you'bout the body, yah... ♪ right there. where? 12 o'clock. carly:okay, now what? what are we looking for?what's the clue? kate:how about that clue?
amber: oh, my god, he's takenthis shit international. kate:oh, come on. i swear to god, every time ilook into a pair of binoculars, this guy has another mistress. you think he has more than oneon the island? carly: who caresabout the island? where else has he traveled? please don't tell me thailand. why can't he just stuff itinto a tube sock
like a normal guy? i have so manylotions at the house. ("get my dough"by ester dean playing) ♪ one little boy got kissedby the other one ♪ ♪ show me the money or themoney got the other one ♪ ♪ bang ♪ ♪ bang, bang, bang,bang, bang ♪ ♪ they say time is precious ♪ ♪ spend all you want ♪
♪ as long as you pay up ♪ ♪ no kiss if you don't... ♪ kate:well, there it is. the end of the road. well, if we don't leavetill tomorrow, i say it's our turnto take this shit international. ♪ all i wantis a bilingual boy ♪ ♪ to love me in both languages ♪ ♪ talk to me in spanish ♪
♪ when we're getting started ♪ ♪ then englishwhen we're close to the end ♪ ♪ all i want ismy bilingual girl. ♪ (song ends, applause) (whooping) that was so much fun! so much fun! can we get three punches,please? three punches.
three punch. (camera shutter clicks) hey, come join me. (chuckles)me? yeah, you. come on... what? no. who you sendingthat selfie to? i just started seeing someone.
mmm! yeah? it's completely crazy, and i don't knowwhere it's going, but we just have that twinkle,you know? i do know. i think the best thing to do is just not thinkabout it too hard. as long as it works, it doesn't really matter why.
kate:hey! (slurring) (laughing loudly) ♪ when life has cut too deep ♪ ♪ and left you hurting ♪ ♪ the future you had hoped foris now burning ♪ ♪ and the dreamsyou held so tight ♪ ♪ lost their meaning ♪ ♪ and you don't know ifyou'll ever find the healing ♪
♪ you're gonna make it ♪ ♪ you're gonnamake it ♪ ♪ and the night can only lastfor so long ♪ ♪ whatever you're facing ♪ ♪ if your heart is breaking ♪ ♪ there's a promise for the oneswho just hold on ♪ ♪ lift up your eyes and see ♪ ♪ the sun is rising ♪ ♪ the sunis rising ♪
♪ every high and every lowyou're gonna go through ♪ ♪ you don't have to be afraid,i am with you ♪ ♪ in the moments you're so weakyou feel like stopping ♪ ♪ let the hope you havelight the road you're walking ♪ ♪ the night can only lastfor so long ♪ ♪ the sun is rising... ♪ ♪ there's gonna besome rainy sunday ♪ ♪ wishing ♪ ♪ one day i'll ♪
♪ see you again ♪ ♪ that i'll ♪ ♪ see you ♪ (thunder rumbling) ♪ again ♪ ♪ ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh,ooh-ooh ♪ ♪ ooh, ooh, ooh. ♪ ("new york, new york"by frank sinatra playing) ♪ start spreading the news ♪
♪ i am leaving today ♪ ♪ i want to be a part of it ♪ ♪ new york, new york ♪ ♪ these vagabond shoes ♪ hi. can i help you? i can help you. mark king to see miss whitten. lydia:mark? hi. are you the famous mark?
well, i must be. and you are? lydia. things are coming into focus. good things, i hope. yeah, yeah, of course. miss whitten askedif you wouldn't mind waiting in the conference room. right this way.
(chuckles anxiously) ♪ and find i'm a-number-one ♪ ♪ top of the list ♪ ♪ king of the hill ♪ ♪ a-number-one... ♪ (lock clicks) mmm-mmm-mmm. hi, mark. (anxious laugh)
amber:hi, mark. oh, boy. this is awkward. i want a divorce, mark. don't do this, kate.i love you. it's too late for that. please don't do this. have i made mistakes? yes. big ones.
huge ones. okay, but when you sleepwith that many people, it's not a mistake, honey,it's pathological. it is, but we can work it out. i can change. you can help me change. how many were there, mark? affairs? you're looking at it.
okay, one more. a couple, maybe. uh... i don't know, three? (sighs)five, maybe. what do you want me to say? i-i-i get more assthan a toilet seat. i'm insecure. i have issues. but it's not likei cared about any of them. they-they were all flings,and they knew it.
except for carly.we-we were exclusive. amber: you told meyou were getting a divorce, and that we weremoving to tuscany. i did say that, but nothingi ever told you was true. mark, you're a real pieceof shit. and no matter how many womenyou sleep with, or how many carsor clothes you buy, nothing will ever be enoughto fill up that hole inside of you
where something real should be. yeah... it's big. you are an empty man. kate:mm-hmm. carly: if you weren't asdisgusting as you were, i probably would've never knownthat i needed to change. i realized that with you. you're so much betternow, though. you already changed.
you're so much better. carly:anyway, speaking of changes... what is this? carly:divorce papers. we valued everythingyou own, mark, and that number at the bottomis your joint net worth. you girls think you're gonnashake me down for all my money, you're crazy. not all, just half.
that's what equal partners get,50 percent. amber: although we did have tosignificantly reduce your share. whoa, whoa... whoa, whoa, whoa,what-what is this? why does it say zero?why is that even on here? you mean the money you stolefrom servicecircuit? i don't know anythingabout that. kate: yeah, it's funny.neither did i, but apparently, i'm the ceo.
i'm the ceoof several companies, actually, but sadly,i had to empty those accounts. so you're broke. e-e-empty? empty what? what are you...what are you talking about? how did you... carly:we looked, that's how. that's what happenswhen you piss people off. well, uh, so what?
you-you robbed me. you three girls, you robbed me. no way. i don't buy it. you don't have itin you to rip me off. no way. are you sure about that? didn't you notice our skin? that nice bahamian glow? it was incredible,
but he didn't even notice. it was.husbands, i swear. honestly, katie,i don't know what the hell's goingon with you. hmm. but for your sake,i hope you're lying, 'cause your signature's the onethat's all over those contracts. you're the one that liable,so don't threaten me, honey, because if you did emptythose accounts, you're the onethat's going down, not me.
we thoughtyou might say that, but then carlyexplained to me a conceptcalled restitution. think of it as payback. i mean, that's howwe framed it with nick. oh, you-you framed it with nick? oh, you included nick. bullshit! now i know you're...hey, nick!
hey, man. i... what? i don't know what they told you. they're having some kindof group breakdown here. they didn't tell meanything, mark. they showed me. it's over. i'm gonna get my ideas direct from thefactory from now on.
what? from-from her? what is this?this some kind of joke? what-what-what,you're firing me now? firing you?that's the least of it. the only reasonyou're not going to prison is because your wifegave all the money back. what? oh, no. no, no, no, no.you're all lying. it's bullshit.it's bullshit.
global bullshit. i call bullshit! my wife's not somecriminal mastermind! she needs freaking brain camp! that's-that's my money! oh! (thuds) you know what, mark? you're not a very nice person.
shut up! mister... get away, getaway, get away! (receptionist shouts, thuds) (mark types rapidly) that can't be right;it's a trick. it's a trick. no! no! no! no! that's my money!
you won't get away with this. you won't get awaywith this! (lydia giggles) (groaning) (harsh laugh) whoa, whoa, whoa! hey, hey, hey, buddy! i'm here! i'm here! stop! it's already hooked.
no, no... come on,it's barely in the red. it's already in the air, guy. that's a $300,000 car, asshole! well, i guess youcan afford it, then. welcome to new york. you get back here! you... you... see? ... this! ... this!
you son of a...! oh, could this dayget any worse?! really?! next time, call a plumber. ♪ gold teeth, grey goose,trippin' in the bathroom ♪ ♪ blood stains, ball gowns,trashin' the hotel room ♪ ♪ we don't care ♪ carly: there she is! hi!
♪ we're driving cadillacsin our dreams... ♪ hi. hi! you, too! hi! what a cute dress. hmm! carly:can i make a toast? here's to having friends, friends that love every part of you.
amber: and even though it brought us together, let's never sleepwith the same guy again. carly: good idea. never. ever. never. cheers. love you guys. ♪ i'm... i'm... i'm... ♪
♪ coming... coming... ♪ ♪ out... out... ♪ ♪ i'm coming ♪ ♪ oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ yeah ♪ ♪ i'm coming out ♪ ♪ i want my girls to know ♪ ♪ it's time we take control ♪ ♪ oh, oh ♪
♪ baby, you're coming ♪ ♪ i'm coming out, i'm coming ♪ ♪ for too longi put up with your lies ♪ ♪ and your lame ass alibis ♪ ♪ no more, no more ♪ ♪ for too longyou kept me in the dark ♪ ♪ i won't let youbreak my heart ♪ ♪ iggy aza, yeah, "l" in themiddle like monie to the ea ♪ ♪ all of my exesmad 'cause they was playing ♪
♪ so i hit my homegirlsand told 'em i can't stay in ♪ ♪ spotlight stuck on me,that's how it seems ♪ ♪ stepping out, diana ross,no supremes ♪ ♪ see it took about an hourjust to fit into these jeans ♪ ♪ and i don't see no endor future or what it seems ♪ ♪ i bet you're wishingthat you had me back ♪ ♪ and knowing my frame downwhen you catch a track ♪ ♪ so could you please tellanyone to catch a stack? ♪ ♪ and i heard that the new girlthat you have is whack ♪
♪ i've been where...what you holler them about? ♪ ♪ money talk, keep quiet, baby,let your dollar shine ♪ ♪ and i got what you want,bet i'm never running out ♪ ♪ checking in, there is spacein the benz, i'm coming out ♪ ♪ coming ♪ ♪ oh ♪ ♪ i was so wrong to thinkthat you would change ♪ ♪ and i let you run your gameno more, no more ♪ ♪ i was so wrongto get a second chance ♪
♪ but i finally understand,no, no, no ♪ ♪ i'm calling my girls,i'm calling my girlfriends ♪ ♪ they're all telling memove on, move on ♪ ♪ girl, it just ain't worth it ♪ ♪ so be out by the weekend ♪ ♪ pack up all your... ♪ ♪ i'm gone, i'm gone ♪ ♪ 'cause you just don'tdeserve it ♪ ♪ coming out ♪
♪ out ♪ ♪ baby, you're coming out. ♪ (music fades) ♪ drift into the morning ♪ ♪ lose yourselfwithin the moment ♪ ♪ life is so sweet ♪ ♪ hands to the sky ♪ ♪ leave your worriesfor the night ♪ ♪ floatin' on a clouds ♪
♪ my daddy taught me how ♪ ♪ how to shine, shine,shine, shine, shine ♪ ♪ passion in the air ♪ ♪ bodies movin' everywhere ♪ ♪ paradise ♪ ♪ party keeps on going ♪ ♪ and the drinks justkeep on flowing ♪ ♪ in ecstasy ♪ ♪ you next to me ♪
♪ how to shine, shine,shine, shine, shine... ♪ ♪ paradise. ♪ (song ends) (mellow jazz pianoinstrumental plays) captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org